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Boston Apartments: Listings, Rooms for Rent, Roommates + Sublets
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2023.05.29 05:07 ThrowRA16993 Update: My GF (30F) is mad at me (27M) for not wanting to put her name on the title of the house
Hey everyone, just wanted to update you all on what happened, so my original post was regarding me and my girlfriend buying a house together and her getting upset that I didn't want to put her name on the house title. As a brief summary, my GF and I have been together for 10 months and started to look around for houses after about 6 months together. But our relationship had moved very fast and we moved in together after 1 month, so we have spent more time together than some couples that have been together for 2 or 3 years. Not sure if this matters though. I have a very stable, high earning job and she was initially earning a lot when we first met, but fairly soon after she had to change careers and now her income is very unstable. We found a plot of land to build a house worth 1.1 mil. I put all the money onto the down payment though my GF's mom promised she would contribute 300K. A discussion with her about rights to the house caused her to feel hurt and then her mom intervened and said some very manipulative things. Original Post
I reminisced about our relationship:
- She is extremely sweet and caring 99% of the time. When we first met, she bought me an iPhone and would buy me thoughtful gifts all the time, even later when her finances were not doing as well. She is also extremely affectionate and even now always displays her affection to me (even when I'm not paying attention). Some have said this is lovebombing, though it has been consistent throughout our entire relationship.
- That 1% was her being upset or frustrated and her tone of voice would be condescending or disrespectful, though we were always able to settle our disagreements very quickly. She was and still is a very reasonable person to talk with and I feel like we can work together as a team to solve problems.
- She is very emotionally mature and often knows me better than I know myself. I have learned so much by being with her and feel I have become a more caring person and in some ways, more confident and capable.
- She is very thoughtful and always remembers the little things about me. She remembers all my favorite snacks and buys me them every month (until recently when finances were a struggle).
- Overall when I was with her, I felt happy and full of love. We were basically inseparable. I took a trip with her recently and made unforgettable memories.
There were a number of red flags - our relationship moved very quickly - we moved in after 1 month of seeing each other. We were spending all day every day together with no boundaries. She had planned out opening up a clinic with me (as the doctor at the clinic) with a 10 year rental contract, which I would be locked into and responsible for paying overhead. I learned soon after we started dating that she was making a lot of money by working for this wealthy doctor who had a romantic interest in her. She cut off all personal contact with him after meeting me, though continued to work with him professionally even after he confessed to her, for 2 months. She told me she worked with him until she could find alternate jobs for her friends who worked under her, but it was still suspicious. That said, she never hid anything from me and I always felt I could ask her anything about this.
She told me very early on (about 2-3 months in) that she knew I was "the one" and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. She wanted to get married but said she would wait for me whenever I was ready. While this felt nice, I also felt it was suspicious she was so ready to commit after only a short amount of time. She has always been a very headstrong confident person who didn't question her decisions.
After reminiscing and then sitting at home alone, my heart felt empty without this person. I couldn't reconcile the person I knew and loved from who she could be on the inside, if she really was after my money.
I texted her that we should break up and then found a time in person to talk and exchange our belongings. I brought up all of my concerns and told her that I simply cannot trust her anymore. To her credit, she was very respectful and gentle. It was difficult for me to face her, especially as she was extremely tearful and looked like she hadn't eaten or slept in 2 days. Despite this she kept a "loving" smile on her face. On the surface, she seemed genuine.
This is how the discussion went:
- I told her that her mom was extremely disrespectful to me especially saying that I shouldn't listen to my friend's advice and that I was selfish and coldblooded to bring up the issue of the house title, and rushing me towards marriage/kids
She told me that her mom was just very upset that I brought up the issue because in Chinese culture, it is considered very rude to sign any contract or separate out individual rights when it comes to property that is going to be a marriage home. She also said that her mom expected us to be married by the end of the year and so felt that the house ownership was a non-issue, and was just hurt that I mentioned having a plan in case we break up when to her, breaking up was not a possibility (since she had invited me to live in her home, it meant she already saw me as her son in law). Since she was hurt, she said hurtful things without thinking.
She also said that her mom was rushing us towards marriage and kids because her mom's health was not very good - history of cancer and felt very unwell, but was afraid to get checked, and didn't think she had much longer to live. She didn't want her daughter to be alone in this world if something were to happen to her. She also said her mom had heard bad things about this friend of mine who gave me the advice to have this conversation (since I told my GF that this friend of mine cheated on his ex girlfriend then got together with that girl, so her mother felt that my friends were a bad influence on me). She told me she herself never rushed me with marriage or kids (which is true) and its true that she told me she didn't even like kids in the past, but wanted them because I did. She said we could get married whenever I was ready, even if that meant she had to get a stable job first.
- I told her that I was very stressed about making the down payment on the house and I had brought this up with them, and they said they didn't have any money at the moment to help. To be fair, her mother helped me get an extension on part of the down payment (53K out of 203K) by talking to the builder, but expressed no intention to pay any of the down payment.
She said she asked me whether I had the money to make the down payment (and I said that while difficult, I did have the means to do so). And she said she fully intended to honor her mom's promise to pay 300K toward the mortgage, but the money was not ready yet. She also said that if it meant getting back together, she would be willing to take money out to pay for half of the down payment. I told her it was too little, too late, and that her previous actions suggested she had no intention to pay at all.
- I asked her why they started to look around for houses before they had gotten my agreement, and they said at the time they were just "browsing the market" without an intention to buy. At the time, I was on board with the decision to buy a house, though we didn't discuss any concrete plan for how we would split the mortgage in the future. Also since her mother had voiced about her culture that it was customary for the husband to buy the wife a house, I was concerned they wanted to put all the burden of paying for the house on me. I expressed that I felt unsupported by her during this time.
She said she did ask me if I would be able to pay the mortgage in the future and showed me some calculations of the future mortgage. I told her it would be difficult and I may need her help, and she said she would help as much as she could, but it wouldn't be 50-50. I was okay with that. However, I told her that based on the fact that they didn't help me with the down payment, and she doesn't have a stable job right now, I could not count on her to contribute to the house in the future. She promised me she would look for a stable job in the next few months, and that we didn't need to buy the house if I didn't feel ready.
Through it all she was very tearful and seemed genuine, and I was almost swayed. She brought up all the good memories we had and soon enough I couldn't hold back my tears. Both our places were filled with the memories of things we had done and bought together. She told me she respected my decision and told me she hoped in the future I would trust my heart and not let others (family and friends) make decisions for me. We both wished each other the best in the future and parted ways. It was kind of open ended because I did not say that there was no possibility of getting back together in the future. She told me she would wait for me if I ever changed my mind.
Afterwards, I went home to my parents house and analyzed everything that had been said, and all came to the conclusion that even though there was a chance I was wrong and I just let go of someone who truly loved me with all their heart, that there were too many red flags for me to ever fully trust her again. Also, this was the second time I had discussed breaking up with her (the first time was due to opening the clinic after 3 months, which she agreed not to do anymore, so I gave her another change). So I felt there was no returning from this. Also, my parents reassured me that I am still young and have lots of opportunities, so no need to dwell too much on the unknowns.
In the end, I feel that I made the right decision, although I am lying if I said I didn't have any lingering doubts. Thanks for reading.
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2023.05.29 05:07 LilyCheesecake (MI) entering without permission misdemeanor
This is a long and complicated story but basically last year, my ex was arrested for DV. It was pretty cut and dry but I wrote a letter supporting him and then didn't show up to court since I was never subpoenaed and it was dismissed and reopened. Over the meantime, we tried getting back together and it was better. The case being reopened was tough on us and eventually it led to him breaking no contact and getting caught when the cops found out - the judge increased his bond and he was stuck in jail for 2 weeks and forced to take a plea bargain (which admittedly was pretty good - reduction and one charge dismissed). He suspected I influenced the jail thing and silently left me and that led to me spiraling since I caught him on social media on a date with another girl and before jail we were together. It was not ok but I just started behaving crazy.
During this time there was a night I was struggling with my mental health from the prolonged case and trauma and went to his place. I knew there was a no contact but I missed him and was scared of being alone. I figured he might talk to me but he got super scared that he'd get caught with me again and called the cops to protect himself. I shouldn't have done this but I walked right in, like I was used to doing from our relationship. I ran out and started driving away and the cops cornered me.
So the first thing is, they thought I was the one violating no contact and when they realized they softened. They tried to look through my phone and I said no - then they asked me to sit in the back of the cop car with no phone but without arresting me. I was scared shitless. Finally they let me out and told me they weren't charging me with anything as my ex didn't want to press charges on me for trespassing and even said he didn't consider me to be trespassing, he just didnt want to violate no contact. But they yelled at me and told me I invaded someone's home. Maybe I shouldn't have done this but I responded back saying we were dating as of 2.5 weeks ago, so I thought I was still welcome there. And then I left, they said I'm free to go but then referred me to a social worker since I was dealing with mental health struggles.
Last week my ex got sentenced. He's in jail currently and our no contact has been lifted. So we have talked a bit. In court, the judge was aware of the situation from the night I was at his house and warned his lawyer and the prosecutor that pressing charges on me could be seen as retribution. My ex said he had no interest in that and that he wanted the DV case fully done and anything related to it including this.
Today I look at the mail and I find a court summons dated 3 weeks ago (e.g. well before the sentencing for my ex), saying they are charging me with a misdemeanor for entering without permission. I've confirmed with my ex that he openly didnt want to press charges on me and he even refused to write a police report. This is scary for me!! The punishment max for this is equal to DV, and it's ridiculous when I didn't do anything along the same level. And I'm so angry and sad that the cops would press charges on a victim from an open DV case with the same people involved. I've never been in criminal trouble ever in my life and I could lose my dream job over it.
What do I do?!?! Is there a chance they will dismiss it if my ex talks to the prosecutor and insists he won't help them with the case and doesn't want me in trouble? Also what about the factor that I'm a victim of convicted DV?? This is all so surreal and ridiculous.
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2023.05.29 05:07 Mmm_JuicyFruit Thoughts During Season 5
Episode 2: Independence Day (The traffic jam episode)
omg! right off the bat! As u/reks131
said in their post, Johnny said, "Take plastic?" And then whipped out his card to buy ice cream. what the heck xD
I like how this episode the radio station mentions all the songs we COULD have heard if this show had any money. The DJ mentions Chuck Berry, Bruce Springsteen, Jimi Hendrix, The Beatles. I guess we're just supposed to use our imaginations and fill the song in ourselves.
Episode 3: Panic (The home invasion/Japanese family in the cellar episode)
How is it that NONE of Johnny's neighbors are hearing all the gunshots coming from inside, and around his house right now?
I feel like Johnny has "lost" 2 guns this episode where he had every right to shoot the intruders to protect himself and his son. I hate it when a movie or show introduces guns into a scenario when everyone is just going to be stupid with them. It's like watching horror filmmakers try to skirt around the entire invention of phones.
Episode 4: Articles of Faith
Episode 10: Into the Heart of Darkness (the Sarah is kidnapped episode)
I guess these three messes in a love triangle have managed to work things out the best they can for their collective child, but this hurts. This hurts my soul
. Because now Johnny has heard Sarah's dying confession, or what it would be.
And she doesn't know that he knows. And even if she did, it wouldn't change anything. Poor Johnny.
And Walt! The show constantly brings up his insecurities and doubts. He's so hurt he's wanted to die, and throw his life away just to be through this.
As for Sarah, what a situation to be caught in. Being loved by two people sounds good, but having to know that you hurt them both is awful. I have to be done with this episode now.
That's all I wrote, but I think I did catch a glimpse of season 6 episode 1.... Sarah. Has changed. Her hair.
IT FINALLY HAPPENED! AFTER 12 YEARS! Weeee.
was right. I DID notice a tone shift in the show. I was a little less engaged during some parts this season. I'm worried we're not going to have a resolution for>! the End of the World plot. !<
Bruce seems cheerful again. In the episode where he plays part of Johnny's subconscious had me cracking up. that was episode 7, Symmetry.
Johnny doesn't seem to be at war with himself or his gift as much. Johnny, Walt, and Sarah seem to be more comfortable in their dynamic than before. It's nice to see Johnny and JJ spend time together, maybe we'll get some more of that next season.
And I just hope for a solid ending. This is one of those stories I've enjoyed so much I actually wouldn't mind it if they tried to adapt it again for tv. and this time FULLY commit. TV has come a long ways since this was released, I think with a budget they could do some wild things.
oh, but they need to leave the movie alone imho.
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2023.05.29 05:06 vyktym Got some options for $1m incoming, but not sure on best way to proceed.
It's fairly complicated, but I'll try to cut it short:
36 Years old, 0 qualifications, married, no children.
Assets: House in Ipswich, QLD ~$350,000 460 Acre Land ~$1,000,000 2022 Audi A3 ~$55,000 (My daily and our long trips car, great on fuel/safety/comfy) 2010 Nissan Skyline ~$15,000 (Her daily, bad on fuel, good fun) Computer Shop ~$90,000 Assorted motorbikes ~$30,000
Debts: House in Ipswich, QLD~$180,000 Audi A3 - 4.4 years to go at $228/week and $17k balloon at end ($53kish?) Business & Income tax debt ~$75k Credit card debt ~$10k
~$130k pre-tax per annum (Operations Manager for disability support company.) ~$26k from computer shop being sold to a friend ($500/wk until it's paid for).
Circumstances to note: - Wife currently earns $0, will get back to work soon and earning ~$60k (pregnancy loss, mental health etc.).
- MIL lives with us in small 3BR house in the suburbs, we need to find somewhere to live in 6-9 months else it'll end in a giant sh!tstorm between MIL and wife.
- MIL will rent Ipswich house at $320/week once wife and I move out. $360/wk if she gets a housemate. House currently costs ~$275/wk on variable interest rate, 25 years to go.
Currently trying to sell the block of land, getting a fair bit of interest. Thinking the best option once it sells is to pay out Ipswich house, pay out tax and CC debt, pay out the Audi. The wife's expressed interest in wanting a decently nice house for us to live in on a good amount of land ~45mins west of Ipswich. I like the idea of this too, I'd be best pleased with being out there. Would make for a 45 min commute to/from work daily, but I'd say it's "worth".
Should leave me with ~$700k. Use this to buy 2 x more cheap houses ($350k each). have the rental income from all 3 ($320 + $400? + $400? = $1,120/wk) with 0 debt give the bank a good reason to give us an ~$800k house which will have itself paid for solely with the rental income from the other 3 houses, with cash to spare. With my decent income and hopefully hers, they'll throw cash at us.
I guess the big question is: Pay out the Ipswich house and buy 3 more houses, OR, pay out debts and put cash into other investments?
I lost ~$150k 18 months ago in some terrible trades, so a bit hesitant to do that again....
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2023.05.29 05:06 ElectricEel404 Now am 18 and parents have no legal obligation to take care of me, but keep taking my money
Sorry in advance for the long post, but I feel I need to give full context I am 18 and doing summer classes, which they are paying for, and will be taking fall classes(free through scholarship) this year. I have been applying to jobs and hopefully will get one soon, especially since I have more credentials (working my ass of high school year and getting certifications and such). HOWEVER, my parents have a joint account with me that we created when I was a minor, they take my money(have taken over a 1000 dollars) and refuse to give it back for bs reasons, and have made it clear that they will not stop taking out my money since I haven't "proven" myself yet. To most people, the solution seems simple, "stop being ungrateful, your parents pay for everything", and while I am extremely grateful to have food on my plate, clothes on my back, and a place to sleep, my parents are extremely strict, and have made it clear that now that I am 18, if I dont obey them completely or piss them off in any sort of way they legally have no obligation to feed me, clothe me, or even give me a place to live. This wouldnt be a problem if they didnt keep taking my money so I would actually be able to afford my own food, clothes, and place to live. So far its only been 2000 plus a couple extra here and there, but once I get a stable source of income, it will escalate. It will start of with 6000, "we're just holding on to it so you dont spend it all, 10,000, "we are investing it in the stock market and will give it back to you when you *really* need it", my entire savings "we are your parents, were just doing whats best for you, its not like you need it anyways since you are living under our roof rent free". And once again, I know that I am lucky to have a place to live in a decent neighborhood, theres no denying that it is their house and they dont have any obligation to let me live there and they are just being generous, I dont have a problem with that, if they want to kick me out they have that right since they have no obligation to take care of me, what I DO have a problem with is taking *MY* hard earned money for bs reasons then complaining that I dont have enough money and that i'm not developing my money saving skills, which I cant even develop if they constantly take away my money. I'm being kept on a leash, and holding their generosity to let me stay over my head and taking away any other options. They said that they dont want me moving out for the next couple of years. My previous plan was to work and save up enough money to leave, I was under a fantasy that they would give my money back, let me open my own account without any sort of threats or fights, and help me/support me with the move in process, but after they've come clean about what they're really using my money for (investing in the stock market) and that they have no plans to give it back or stop taking what is mine, I have no other choice but to take out student loans. Will I be able to take out student loans during the fall semester, is it through fasfa? Can I even do that since I am still technically dependent on my parents. Will they take into account my parents income knowing that they wont be financially supporting me? I've already filled out my fasfa with my parents so I could do the summer college courses, so can I even take out loans? (I didnt get any money from fasfa btw, grant, loan, or otherwise). Can I just walk into my colleges financial aid center, ask for a student loan, get the money and walk out? I know i'll have to create my own bank account, but that might start a fight so I need to do it when I am 100 percent certain of my plan. I dont have a car but I can always use uber, and I do have a drivers license. I know I should be grateful but I cant live like this! Constantly worrying if when I come home my shit will be thrown out on the street and I wont be let inside because i'm "not doing good enough in class" or "not adhering by our impossible rules". To make things worse, they are hardcore conservatives and i'm gay, trans, and a whole bunch of other shit that they constantly complain and say I cant be as long as I am living under their roof. And when I say they are homophobic and transphobic I mean *hardcore* kick you out of the house kind.
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2023.05.29 05:05 elteza Rental Crisis
Question for those in the know:
As a kiwi with wife and 4 kids in tow looking to make the move to Australia in the new year (Brisbane admittedly is the favourite but is not the only option), I have to ask, just how bad is the rental crisis in Brisbane? The aim will be to buy a house but until we establish ourselves we likely will look to rent.
I've been following the local news and of course this sub to try and get a feel for how it's going on the ground. Am I wrong to estimate that the shortage is primarily an issue for young, single people or those looking to rent 1-2 bedroom homes?
I also have the homes.com.au app which I check regularly and still see decent availability for 4-bedroom homes. The houses look, for the most part, in good nick (I understand the PM probably often use stock footage rather than up to date pics) the prices seem reasonable, and I can't help but compare them to here in NZ, which really is getting out of control.
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2023.05.29 05:05 cheesepizzaplease Should we? Shouldnt we?
Gday - myself and my partner have found ourselves in a relatively unique situation in which we have just moved in to our newly built home, but we are already keen to move on as we have already found an upgrade.
Why the short turnaround? Well, the 5 year process of purchasing our land and getting our home built has seen plenty change in our lives and our priorites shift. In short, the house we designed and had built over the span of the past 5 years is vastly different to the home we would build now. We like it, we dont love it.
We've found the home of our next 20 years however and wish to sell our current home and purchase it. We've spent a couple of weeks doing the financial gymnastics to see if it can work, but remain undecided. This is where this sub comes in.
$472k on our current mortgage
$0 other debts (no credit card, no personal loan, no car loan, no hecs)
$10,400 monthly income
$3300 monthly expenses
1 toddler dependant
Approx $150k savings, approx $250k super
We are in our early/mid 30s.
All going well, i.e if we are able to purchase new home for price we will offer, and we are able to sell our current home for what we hope to get, our situation will be
Approx $915k mortgage
Monthly repayments of approx $5150 @ 5.24% 2 year fixed
Monthly expenses of $3300 include everything (all utilities, rates, car maintenance, insurances - everything)
100k of 150k savings towards new home, keeping 50k up the sleeve in savings (redraw account most likely) which would be about $815k all up in down payment.
We'd be buying new property for under asking price in this scenario, and will likely only proceed if we can get this price
Other context: Both my partner and I have baked in 11% payrises over the next 3 years to come
Should we go for it for the dream family home at a time we could snag for under asking? Or are we stretching it too thin?
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to AusFinance [link] [comments]
2023.05.29 05:05 Lanky-Shop7118 Should I bring my cat with me? Or leave her with my family
Hi friends, I’m going to try my best to make a long story short, I got a kitten two years ago and moved her into my house with my parents, teen brother and three cats. While she adored everyone and the cats she made it clear I was her favourite person. In September a school placement took me away from home and I was moving into a house that had two cats and a dog and made the decision to leave her with my family as I felt the moves would be too stressful on her. Three months turned into 10 and I move back home in July. She is beyond happy with my family and has grown extremely fond and attached to them, she recognizes me when I come home but I can tell her new found attachment for my family exceeds the attachment she has for me (understandably). My family is also in love and attached to her as well as the three cats have taken her in as part of the pack. They have also turned her into an outdoor cat which she seems to very thoroughly enjoy. I plan on being home for about 2-3 months and then moving out with my boyfriend. She is used to always having someone home, that won’t be the way it is if she comes with me, my boyfriend is out 4/7 days a week for around 8 hours and I am out 3-5 days or nights a week for 14+ hours. I also can’t guarantee her outdoor time depending on where I live, I would plan on getting another 1-2 cats to keep her company since she is not used to being alone.I think I already know the answer to this which would break my heart to leave her with them because she is my first cat but I think she would be happiest. Any advice would be great thank you
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to CatAdvice [link] [comments]
2023.05.29 05:05 Razenroth78 Looking for an aupair from PR to move to Tennessee.
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Looking for a latina girl from PR to move to Tennessee and be our aupair! Live in a big house on the river with 6 bedrooms. Quiet area and lots of outdoor things to do. If you love being out on a boat or kayaking, we do that all spring, summer and fall. Pic of me in PR for attention. submitted by Razenroth78 to PuertoRico [link] [comments]
2023.05.29 05:04 ineedrevenge1199 I want revenge on the guy my girlfriend cheated on me with. Please convince me why I shouldn't
Please tell me if there is a better suited subreddit for this.
My girlfriend [referred to as "Y"] of 2 years and I were going through relationship problems related to not being able to emotionally support each other. She works at a restaurant and there's a coworker [referred to as "Z"] of hers who she's really close to and has gone to to talk about the relationship and work. I know about him, and have met him once and I'm always supportive of her having friends because of things in her past that I won't mention (as I don't believe it's relevant). "Z" has a girlfriend [referred to as "M"] overseas, and who he is also having relationship troubles with.
She told me that she went to his place (which is OK to me. She's been there before and I felt secure with her and trusted her 100%), and they were talking about their relationships. She told me this is how it went down: Y and Z were in the living room talking about the relationships. Z asked Y if she wanted to go to his bedroom, to which she said "I don't know". Eventually, they went to his bedroom and they were both "unsure". They ended up having sex, with only her skirt being taken off. She told me that during it all, she was "numb" and didn't feel anything at all and after that, she told him that it meant nothing. She hasn't contacted him ever since and told me that she plans to meet up with him outside work soon, to clarify that it meant nothing and that I want to meet him.
I had no suspicions at all, but she brought it up one night to me and sounded very regretful. I know she's also in the wrong, but I just feel like he took advantage of her in her emotional state.
Now, this is where the main point of me making this post is.
A little about me: I'm usually a very timid person, and I'm currently working in a full-time office job where I'm starting to progress. I'm a really passive person and have never been one to speak up about anything and have always avoided confrontations - I'm pretty much a wimp - but this has made me really fucking angry. I told her to tell him I want to meet up because I want to clarify some things, and make sure that he tells his girlfriend "M" about everything.
I have a lot of things to ask and to say, but right now, I feel very violent. I've never been violent before, but I really feel like beating the shit out of him. I feel like if I see him, and after I ask everything I want to ask, I'm really going to beat the shit out of him and although I've never had experience fighting, I don't care. During our meetup, I'm going to tell him to take out his phone and let his girlfriend know about what he did. I've already gone online and collected her instagram, her facebook and her email. If he doesn't do it on the spot, I've already prepared a translated (which I paid for) message to send to her socials explaining everything to make sure he doesn't warn her in advance of "some crazy guy trying to ruin the relationship". He's not wrong, I really want to ruin his life.
I'm wondering what everything thinks of this situation, and about my meetup with the guy? I want to say really hurtful things to him, and hurt him physically (not to the extent of disabling or killing him. Just hurting him for sure). I believe it's also not my place to tell his girlfriend, but I will if he doesn't. I feel like this is all wrong of me, but I don't care because I want revenge (even though I know hurting someone is bad). Can someone please tell me their thoughts on this situation, and potentially convince me not to go through with something?
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to offmychest [link] [comments]
2023.05.29 05:04 ElectricEel404 Moving out of toxic parents home but they wont let my keep my own money
Sorry in advance for the long post, but I feel I need to give full contextI am 18 and doing summer classes, which they are paying for, and will be taking fall classes(free through scholarship) this year. I have been applying to jobs and hopefully will get one soon, especially since I have more credentials (working my ass of high school year and getting certifications and such). HOWEVER, my parents have a joint account with me that we created when I was a minor, they take my money(have taken over a 1000 dollars) and refuse to give it back for bs reasons, and have made it clear that they will not stop taking out my money since I haven't "proven" myself yet. To most people, the solution seems simple, "stop being ungrateful, your parents pay for everything", and while I am extremely grateful to have food on my plate, clothes on my back, and a place to sleep, my parents are extremely strict, and have made it clear that now that I am 18, if I dont obey them completely or piss them off in any sort of way they legally have no obligation to feed me, clothe me, or even give me a place to live.This wouldnt be a problem if they didnt keep taking my money so I would actually be able to afford my own food, clothes, and place to live. So far its only been 2000 plus a couple extra here and there, but once I get a stable source of income, it will escalate. It will start of with 6000, "we're just holding on to it so you dont spend it all, 10,000, "we are investing it in the stock market and will give it back to you when you *really* need it", my entire savings "we are your parents, were just doing whats best for you, its not like you need it anyways since you are living under our roof rent free".
And once again, I know that I am lucky to have a place to live in a decent neighborhood, theres no denying that it is their house and they dont have any obligation to let me live there and they are just being generous, I dont have a problem with that, if they want to kick me out they have that right since they have no obligation to take care of me, what I DO have a problem with is taking *MY* hard earned money for bs reasons then complaining that I dont have enough money and that i'm not developing my money saving skills, which I cant even develop if they constantly take away my money. I'm being kept on a leash, and holding their generosity to let me stay over my head and taking away any other options. They said that they dont want me moving out for the next couple of years.My previous plan was to work and save up enough money to leave, I was under a fantasy that they would give my money back, let me open my own account without any sort of threats or fights, and help me/support me with the move in process, but after they've come clean about what they're really using my money for (investing in the stock market) and that they have no plans to give it back or stop taking what is mine,
I have no other choice but to take out student loans. Will I be able to take out student loans during the fall semester, is it through fasfa? Can I even do that since I am still technically dependent on my parents. Will they take into account my parents income knowing that they wont be financially supporting me? I've already filled out my fasfa with my parents so I could do the summer college courses, so can I even take out loans? (I didnt get any money from fasfa btw, grant, loan, or otherwise). Can I just walk into my colleges financial aid center, ask for a student loan, get the money and walk out? I know i'll have to create my own bank account, but that might start a fight so I need to do it when I am 100 percent certain of my plan. I dont have a car but I can always use uber, and I do have a drivers license. I know I should be grateful but I cant live like this! Constantly worrying if when I come home my shit will be thrown out on the street and I wont be let inside because i'm "not doing good enough in class" or "not adhering by our impossible rules". To make things worse, they are hardcore conservatives and i'm gay, trans, and a whole bunch of other shit that they constantly complain and say I cant be as long as I am living under their roof. And when I say they are homophobic and transphobic I mean *hardcore* kick you out of the house kind.
submitted by ElectricEel404
to movingout [link] [comments]
2023.05.29 05:04 menage_a_trois123 Looking for someone to sublet my apartment on Green & Sixth (next to Target) for fall 2023!
I will be taking a semester off for studying abroad, and looking for someone to take up my room at a 2 bed 1 bath. Here are the details: Property:
707 S Sixth St, Champaign IL. Managed by JSM. Right behind Gameday.
- Fully furnished, including closets and storage space, AC/Heater, in-unit washedrier, and free access to the JSM fitness centre downstairs.
- Utilities: Water, Sewer, Recycling, and Internet.
- More information here: 707 S. Sixth JSM Living Sublease period: Start as early as August 18th 2023. End as late as January 15th 2024.
If anyone is interested, please DM! If you'd like to move in with a roommate and occupy both bedrooms, we can make an arrangement for that as well. If not, my current roommate is very clean and considerate.
submitted by menage_a_trois123
to UIUC [link] [comments]
2023.05.29 05:03 Edward2704 Don Jr. 2024 Montana Senate Race running against Jon Tester full mod writing (keep in mind that Don Jr. owns a ranch in Montana)
Italics = advisor feedback
- Congratulations Don Jr., after a contentious primary with Matt Rosendale and Greg Gianforte, you have emerged victorious in the Republican primary. What will be your opening statement as you pivot towards the general Montana senate election with Jon Tester?
- Why screw up this thing. I’ll run a low-risk campaign and cruise to victory. After all, my dad is the Republican nominee for president, so I can certainly ride his coattails to victory “This might work but don’t underestimate Jon Tester, he’s quite popular in Montana”
- I want to nationalize this race as much as possible and attack Jon Tester relentlessly, Tester has voted in lockstep with Biden and Pelosi “This might work, but most Montanans are more focused on state issues rather than national issues”
- I want to appear with my dad, Donald Trump, as much as possible as I campaign “People want to see you differentiate yourself from dad occasionally, and this doesn’t help much”
- I want to denationalize this race as much as possible. I want to take pictures of myself on my Montana ranch and focus on the farmers and workers in this state “nationalizing this race is your best chance, considering that your father is the Republican nominee for president”
- Due to the rural nature of Montana, the average Montanan spends more on gas than almost any other state in the country, and as gas prices continue to rise, what would you do to lower them?
- I would work with Senator John Thune to construct the Dakota Access Pipeline, which will transport gas faster and thus drop the price of gas, unlike Biden and the Democrats who want to shut down the construction of the Dakota Access Pipeline “This is good in that it criticizes the Democrats while also offering a different solution.”
- The way you lower gas prices is by getting Biden and the Democrats out of the office and putting in Trump and the Republicans, as gas prices were nowhere near as high as they were when Trump was president “This attack somewhat damaged Biden, but the damage is limited because people want to know what you would do differently from him.”
- One thing we could do to lower gas prices is to switch sides in the Russia-Ukraine war and side with an oil-rich Russia, rather than siding with oil-poor Ukraine, and we could get more oil through deals with Russia “Are you insane?”
- RNG. Your father, who is running for president from within a prison cell, has asked if you could attend one of his rallies that are being held from just outside his prison cell where he will be visible to the large crowd through the window of his prison cell in New York. Would you like to attend this rally outside the prison?
- Yes, I would “Good news, the rally outside of Trump’s prison cell was just the right size, in that it was large enough to fire up Trump’s base in Montana, but not so large that it would grab the attention of the liberal media. Good job”
- Yes, I would. “Bad news, the rally outside of Trump’s prison cell had a lot of both trump supporters and protestors and the two groups quickly turned violent and it drew an enormous amount of media attention and you are getting badly hurt by the controversy.”
- No, I wouldn’t “Good news, the Montana people respected your ability to be removed from national politics of a rally outside of Trump’s prison cell.”
- No, I wouldn't “Bad news, Trump’s base is furious at you for not showing up to your father’s rally from outside of Trump’s prison cell.”
- Inflation continues to ravage the nation. How will you put an end to it?
- We’re gonna stop handing out money and stop all this nonsense spending. “This has fired up your core supporters, but most independents are worried about this kind of messaging.”
- I would like to reduce tariffs and remove regulatory barriers “Trump’s tariffs are popular with the Trump wing of the Republican party, but this answer should win over more libertarian-minded Republicans”
- The destructive conflict between Ukraine and Russia continues to go on. How will you put an end to it if at all?
- I will urge for American neutrality in the Ukraine-Russia war “You’ve pleased your diehard base, but most independents want America to side with Ukraine during this destructive conflict”
- I will keep the current path of issuing sanctions against Russia “This is probably the best answer to please the majority of Montanans.”
- I will urge America to get involved on Ukraine’s side against Russia “This wins over independents at the expense of winning over your base.”
- I will urge the UN to create a demilitarized zone on the Ukraine-Russia border and urge Ukraine and Russia to come to a comprehensive peace treaty “This wins over the neocons in your party at the expense of the Trump wing of your party.”
- China has repeatedly made threats against Taiwan, and there have been fears that China might invade Taiwan. How will you prevent this from happening?
- This is Taiwan’s problem, not ours “This wins over the hardcore isolationists in your party at the expense of mainstream Americans”
- We will issue sanctions against China if they choose to invade Taiwan “This is probably the best answer to please the majority of Montanans”
- I urge America to intervene in this conflict against China “Are you insane, no one wants war with China!”
- I will urge China and Taiwan to create a demilitarized zone between them and a comprehensive peace treaty “This might be a good strategy”
- There continue to be migrants and drugs that are flowing across the southern border. What would you do to stop this from happening?
- We need to strengthen our border security and build a wall “This is a good solution to win over the hard-core Trumpsits in your party”
- Look, this is Montana, we are nowhere near the southern border. Do we need to campaign on this issue? “Fair enough”
- We need a compromise solution of granting the illegals in this country a pathway to citizenship in return for building a stronger immigration enforcement system “This is a good way to win over independent voters”
8. Jon Tester, despite being a senator from Montana, one of the most pro-gun states in America, strongly came out in favor of gun control after the Uvalde shooting. What is your opinion on gun control
- The Democrats are using school shootings as an excuse to take away our 2nd amendment rights “This attack is mildly successful, but the damage is limited because people want to know what you would do differently to stop school shootings”
- We need more armed guards at the front of schools to prevent these shootings, not to take away guns “This is an interesting solution”
- We need to spend more money on mental health clinics to treat these dangerous individuals “This wins over the Trump wing of social conservatives, but many fiscal conservatives are uncomfortable talking about this much government spending”
- Abortion has become an increasingly important issue throughout America, how will you deal with this issue
- I will pass a law that will ban abortion nationwide “This fires up your base at the expense of independents”
- This isn’t our problem. We will let the people of each state decide that for ourselves “This fires up independents at the expense of the base”
- We should pass a law that bans travel from one state to another or traveling from one country to another to receive an abortion “This should meet the fine line of appealing to your base while also winning over independents.”
- Now onto more state-centered issues. The state of Montana has an enormous amount of agriculture, farms, and ranches, and the amount they make has been decreasing. How will you plan to deal with this
- I will fight for Montana exports in trade deals “ an unusual position for a Republican to take, but this could work”
- This isn’t a problem we can solve, this is for the free market “This is a more traditional platform to run on as a Republican, but not a popular one amongst the Montana people.”
- RNG Will you agree to debate Jon Tester?
- Yes I will “You won”
- Yes I will “You and Tester tied”
- Yes I will “You lost”
- No, we have a massive lead “People don’t trust you if you don’t debate, expect this to hurt you badly”
- RNG You are meeting with Libertarian candidate Rick Breckenridge, to see if you can convince him to drop out and endorse you.
- I hope he drops out "Good news. He dropped out."
- I hope he drops out "Bad news. He doesn't drop out."
- There's no way around it. Although you own a ranch in Montana, Montana is not your state of permanent residence and many view you as a carpet bagger. How do you plan to respond?
- I will counter-attack by showing Tester as a DC insider who is out of touch with Montanan values "This doesn't work well, as Tester routinely tours the state"
- I will tout my outsider credentials as an advantage, as I can reform Montana from the outside to Make Montana Great Again “MMGA”
- Which Montana Republican would you like to go on tour with today?
- I would like to go on tour with Montana’s governor, Greg Gianforte “Well this didn’t work out well, as many are still angry about the incident that Greg Gianforte caused in 2017 when he ran for the house and bragged on social media about how he was so far ahead in the polls that he could beat up a reporter and still win, then proceeded to beat up a reporter and still narrowly won. Expect to take a dip in the polls.”
- I would like to go on tour with Montana’s incumbent Republican senator, Steve Daines “This worked out well, as Steve Daines is broadly popular amongst conservatives and independents”
- I would like to go on tour with Matt Rosendale, who ran for the Montana senate seat in 2018 and lost “Campaigning with Matt Rosendale offends no one, but pleases no one either”
- News has broken out about how your girlfriend, Kimberly Gilfoyle, has been fired from Fox News for sexual harassment. How do you want to do damage control?
- As much as I love my girlfriend, I have no control over her behavior and I condemn this incident of behavior completely “This is probably the best you could do given this bad situation”
- Who cares, this is my girlfriend’s sexual harassment case, not mine “Well, you’re the one who’s dating her, so this makes you look bad.”
- I condemn my girlfriend completely for this behavior and I am breaking up with her for it “This is a strong answer which could win over women voters, but this only draws more attention to an incident that already looks incredibly ugly”
- How would you like to attack Jon Tester if at all?
- We need to emphasize that Jon Tester has voted with Joe Biden 91% of the time. Jon Tester pretends to distance himself from Biden, but Tester is just one of Biden’s puppets who happens to be in a Trump +16 state “That’s it, hit Tester where it hurts!”
- We need to emphasize that Jon Tester is out of touch with Montana values lives in Washington DC and constantly votes in lockstep with Nancy Pelosi and votes for drag queens and transing the kids “This attack doesn’t win over independents, but it sure does fire up the base”
- We should run compare and contrast ads between Kyrsten Sinema and Jon Tester, showing how Sinema is in a bluish-purple state and constantly stabs Biden in the back while Jon Tester is from a deep red state and constantly votes lock step with Biden “This ad was incredibly effective”
- We should run ads of gas prices soaring under Tester and Biden, while gas prices were falling under Trump Sr. and will continue to fall under Trump Jr. “This ad was mild to moderately effective, but voters want to know what specific policy you will implement to lower gas prices
- One interesting idea that has been proposed by many Democrats is to put abortion clinics on Native American reservations, as their lands aren’t governed by the US. Montana has some of the most native reservations in the country. What are your thoughts on this?
- This is an abhorrent practice that will lead to more children being killed as a loophole around the Dobbs .vs. Jackson's case allowed each state to choose whether or not to allow abortion “This answer fires up the base but hurts you with independents”
- I don’t care either way, this is up for the leaders of the native reservations to decide themselves “This might be the best you can do with a difficult question like this”
- Small government means small government, therefore lands that are not on American soil should be allowed to build abortion clinics to serve the public, as we are the party of small government that favors bodily autonomy “This answer helps with independents and hurts with the base”
- Not to talk too much about abortion, but a new bill has been proposed in the Montana State House that would criminalize pregnant Montanans for traveling out of state or out of the country to receive an abortion elsewhere. What are your thoughts on this bill?
- I think Montana should ban all abortions within its borders, but banning Montana residents from traveling out of state or out of the country to receive an abortion elsewhere is too harsh “No one loves this answer, but no one hates it either”
- Being pro-life means being all the way pro-life, which means that we should criminalize out-of-state and out-of-country travel to receive an abortion elsewhere “Your base eats this up, but this stance makes independents gag”
- As a Republican, I naturally believe in making government as small as possible, meaning that native american reservations should be allowed to have abortion clinics and that people should be allowed to travel out of state and out of the country to receive abortions “Independents are lining up behind you, but your base is threatening to stay home”
- RNG. The Montana state legislature has just passed new laws banning Tribal ID cards and requiring you to present your address to vote, which Native Americans on reservations don’t have as a way to stop Native Americans, who disproportionately vote Democrat, from voting. What are your thoughts on this?
- This should help me win “Good news, Native Americans aren’t getting the new IDs and addresses necessary for voting for Tester, so this will help you.”
- This should help me win “Bad news, Native Americans are now turning out in higher numbers than ever before and are getting the new IDs and licenses necessary to vote. Expect this to hurt you.”
20. You have talked about reducing the amount of money that we spend to reduce inflation. Where would you like to make cuts in spending
- I don’t know, everywhere maybe “This is not specific enough, and Jon Tester’s mediscare strategy is working eerily well”
- First, cuts will be made to foreign aid “In general, if you have to cut anything, cut foreign aid first, then again, most Americans are supportive of Ukraine in their war against Russia, so this might also backfire”
- We should cut farming subsidies and allow farmers to properly partake in the free market “Montana is a very agricultural state, so this doesn’t play well”
- Jon Tester has attacked you with an attack ad of you speaking with your father and Rudi Giuliani at the Save America rally on January 6th where you tell the crowd to stand up and fight as they proceed to walk towards the capital and invade it. How will you react
- This was a poor choice of words for me. Although I said the word fight in a physical sense, what I meant to say was fought in a metaphorical stance by protesting the certification of the 2020 election “This might be the best thing you can say to keep your base on your side while not angering independents”
- I played no role in causing the violence that most people did on January 6th as I meant to fight in a metaphorical sense, not in a literal sense. It should be noted that only a small portion of people that attended that rally on January 6th broke into the capital “Most voters believe that you played a role on January 6th, and this answer doesn’t help”
- These people who entered the capital were brain-dead idiots who thought this would be a good idea. Why should I be responsible for their actions “You were the one who encouraged them to do it.”
- Montana has one of the slowest internet speeds in the country due to its rural location. Would you be willing to spend government money to increase the internet speed in Montana?
- I understand the urge to help Montanans with slow internet, but this is a function best served by private companies, not the government “This helps with the base, but hurts with independents”
- We need to spend government money to help Montanans with slow internet “This helps with independents but hurts the base”
- Do you plan to pass more laws to engage in culture wars and ban drag story hour, and critical race theory
- No, these culture wars about drag story hour just distract from the main issues at hand “Some sense a missed opportunity to win points amongst the base, but others appreciate you for not constantly attacking”
- Yes, we need to protect our children from drag story hour and critical race theory “This will win you points amongst your base but hurt you with independents and libertarian-minded voters.”
- What will be your ending message as this campaign draws to a close?
- Don’t let Jon Tester fool you, he’s no moderate and he votes for Biden 91% of the time. Tester is Biden, and Biden is bad. Tester is Biden’s puppet. Make sure to vote for my dad for president and me for the senate. “This is probably a good strategy considering how Tester votes for Biden 91% of the time, and although Tester is somewhat popular in the state, Biden is not.”
- I want to hold a big rally in a field in Billings with a jumbotron where my dad is presented on the big screen from prison. My dad Trump Sr. will carry Montana by double digits, so all I have to do is ride his coattails to victory “Your dad is popular in Montana, so tying yourself to him as closely as possible might be a good idea.”
- I want to nationalize this race as much as possible. A vote for me is a vote for my dad who is running for president, while a vote for Tester is a vote for Biden “This is a good strategy, as you will need your dad’s momentum to gain victory in this senate race.”
- Where in Montana will you spend your last days campaigning
- I will campaign in the Helena area around Lewis and Clark and Cascade counties. Tester may have won them in 2018, but Trump won them in 2020, so with one last push, we should flip them red
- I will campaign in the rural eastern parts of the state to maximize conservative turnout such as in Custer and Prairie counties
- I will expand my appeal by campaigning in the rural northern parts of the state with Native American reservations such as Glacier County
- I will campaign in the Missoula area, a traditionally liberal area and college town in Missoula County
submitted by Edward2704
to thecampaigntrail [link] [comments]
2023.05.29 05:03 Drechenaux Claustrophobia
I'm nearly out of breath as I reach my destination- the fifth floor. Running up and down the stairs an average of ten times a day gets annoying- but it is part of my job.
I've had lots of people ask me the same question- why not just use the elevator?
"I'm just really claustrophobic," I say. Occasionally I'll just throw in a different answer for fun- like that I'm trying to lose weight or something like that.
But that never captures the whole truth.
I honestly don't know why it started with me- there's no one else I've met with the same problem. I don't know if I did something wrong- though as far as I know I didn't do anything to trigger it. Our house wasn't built on some sort of sacred Native American burial ground, it wasn't occupied by a Satanic cult, and I had not bought anything cursed off the Dark Web.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
I was eight when it first happened. My bedroom was on the second floor of my home- there was a long hallway leading out of it to a second bathroom, and in the middle were the stairs. The lights were usually turned off at the end of the hallway so that while I could peer out at it from the open door of my bedroom if I adjusted my head a little while sleeping, I wouldn't see anything but a curtain of black.
One day that all changed. I just guess that I'm glad that I was walking up the stairs when it happened, I had turned around to hop into my bed when I felt it.
And I turned around.
In the darkness- there was something else. A void that consumed even the shadows with even darker shadows- a figure devoid of light. It had the shape of a man.
And it began to move towards me.
I flew down the stairs and nearly tripped, though I was unharmed thankfully.
I cried to my parents about it and they reassured me that it was nothing but a figment of my mind.
And for two years, it never happened again. I slept in my bed and had nearly forgotten about it.
Until it happened again.
This time I was in my bed when he began to approach. I had nearly fallen asleep when the darkness moved, and I got a better look at him this time. He was truly a being of nothing but black. He moved- he was slow, but he moved nonetheless towards me.
I jumped out of bed, but he was blocking the entrance to the stairs now. I seriously considered jumping out the window when thankfully my screams called my father upstairs- and the man vanished.
I told him I had just had a nightmare, but I slept in a spare room on the ground floor after that. I always had the window open just in case I needed to jump out.
Adulthood came and with no further interactions with that man, I almost forgot about him.
Two years ago, I was walking down the stairs of the apartment complex I had moved into after college. I was headed towards the laundromat- we had one in the basement of our building. A few quarters lighter, I was about to go back up to watch some television before coming back in around half an hour when my heart nearly froze.
I saw him. At the top of the stairs.
He was every bit as terrifying as I remembered him- no features, just a void in the silhouette of a man.
He began to come downstairs. I panicked and turned- but there was no way out. Our laundromat was old and didn't even have any windows- we were technically underground as it was.
I thought I was done for until I heard voices coming from above- and the shadow vanished. Thankfully some other folks had to come down. Unlike the other two instances where I saw him, this was in the middle of the day.
I've realized two things since then. One, that the man never approaches me while there are other people around.
Two, that while he is slow, he's always tried to corner me in a place where I can't run. And I just know that the day he catches me- it's going to be all over. Death, or a fate worse than that, awaits me the moment he lays one of his formless hands on me.
I was saved twice by other people, but I don't think my luck will last a third time.
I have to always make sure that I'm in a crowded area- but as you can imagine that's not always possible.
And so, I always have to be vigilant. I need to always make sure that there are at least two exits wherever I go. Elevators? I can't count on there always being people in them- and if someone gets off before my floor- well, what a coincidence! I have to get off on that floor too. I just don't risk it most of the time.
But it's hard to explain all of that to someone you've just met, I'm sure you understand.
And so I tell them something which, now that I think about it- is true.
"I'm just claustrophobic."
submitted by Drechenaux
to nosleep [link] [comments]
2023.05.29 05:01 Safe_A_8792 Mold and lease Florida
Hello again my granddaughter and I signed a lease with the move in date of the 27th. After given the keys we did a walk through of the apartment. We noticed a horrible smell, missing cabinet doors, the floor plan wasnt what we were told and mold was seen. Due to both of our allergies, asthma and disability we cannot move in without risk to our health. We brought up this issues asap through email with in two hours of receivingthe keys. The email response from the leasing office was maintenance will be contacted and we would receive a email/call from corporate Tuesday. In all nothing can be done before the.
At this point we are out time and money due to the new change in move in date, all without warning. We are now scattering for a new place on short notice on a holiday weekend.
We have nothing in the apartment and cant stay at this point due to health risk, its sitting vacant.
What can we do considering the what if clause?
The lease had this what if clause DELAY OF OCCUPANCY. If occupancy is or will be delayed for construction, repairs, cleaning, or a previous resident's holding over, we're not responsible for the delay. The Lease Contract will remain in force subject to: (1) abatement of rent on a daily basis during delay; and (2) your right to terminate as set forth below. Termination notice must be in writing. After termination, you are entitled only to refund of deposit(s) and any rent paid. Rent abatement or Lease Contract termination does not apply if delay is for cleaning or repairs that don't prevent you from occupying the apartment. If there is a delay and we haven't given notice of delay as set forth immediately below, you may terminate up to the date when the apartment is ready for occupancy, but not later. (1) If we give written notice to any of you when or after the initial term as set forth in Paragraph 3 (Lease Term and Termination Notice Requirements)—and the notice states that occupancy has been delayed because of construction or a previous resident's holding over, and that the apartment will be ready on a specific date—you may terminate the Lease Contract within 3 days of your receiving the notice, but not later. (2) If we give written notice to any of you before the initial term as set forth in Paragraph 3 (Lease Term and Termination Notice Requirements) and the notice states that construction delay is expected and that the apartment will be ready for you to occupy on a specific date, you may terminate the Lease Contract within 7 days after any of you receives written notice, but not later. The readiness date is considered the new initial term as set forth in Paragraph 3 (Lease Term and Termination Notice Requirements) for all purposes. This new date may not
submitted by Safe_A_8792
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2023.05.29 05:01 loveliindyfan AITA for refusing to help with my grandma?
I’ve never posted on here before, but my mother just ticked me off in a text. Until last week, I (27F) have lived with my mother for two years to take care of my cousins who are in her care cause their parents ARE AHs (another story for another day). I have finally moved out and the first week of freedom has been amazing. To my grandma. When most folks think of a grandma, they think of a loving and nurturing woman who loves to bake & cook & be nice. That is NOT my grandma. She is a vile, mean, horrible woman who routinely calls me fat and a wh*re. Now, part of this MAY be to the fact she is undiagnosed dementia, but I genuinely do not care. She is getting up there in age and she lives in squalor and NONE of us (her 3 kids & 2 adult grandchildren) can help her or are willing to help her because she is a walking human hurricane tornado combination. When I say she lives in squalor, I’m not exaggerating. There is rotting food, no running water, no heat (our winters are cold), and there’s a possum running around the house. Yes, I have called social services on her before, but she refuses to let them in, so they can’t condemn it. My mother has recently lost her job, and has developed a guilty complex of where “she must care for her aging mother.” I don’t understand why. My grandmother has never been kind a day in her life. She was a teenage mother in the 70s, she’s a bitter old lady who deserves no affection from myself and I refuse to give up my newly found freedom to spend time with her and drive her around. Before you all say “put her in a home,” we can’t. She’s too far gone mentally and never gave us ANYTHING for decision making. My grandmother will die in that house because of her own actions. When I lived with my mother, I did A LOT for the family. Shuttling the 2 cousins & my 2 younger siblings around (12f, 14m, 15f, 15NB), housework, keeping kids in check, and I did help with grandma. It killed me to be nice to this woman who repeatedly degraded me. And she had done this before she lost her mind. My mother worked a lot before her job got eliminated, and her bf works a lot too. I was essentially responsible for 4 children, none of which I birthed, and a senile old woman. I feel like I’ve given up enough of my life to this screwed up family and should enjoy the last few years of my 20s. I am bitter because my mother is attempting to shirk her responsibilities to the cousins (they have a lot of trauma related to their AH parents) and now that I moved out, she’s starting to realize that she lost her daycare. So I think she’s using escapism with her guilty complex to “take care of” my grandma. I used to do a lot for her, but everything I’ve done has taken a toll on me. I’m tired. I want my freedom. And that’s why I might be the AH. But everything I did was kinda expected of me. I try to be a good person, but I have my limits. So, AITA for refusing to help with my grandma?
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2023.05.29 05:01 NonChef About to live near a relative who thinks they are a saint and somehow uses their “Christian” belief to crap on every other member of the family.
Backstory: My fiancé and I currently live overseas together, but he recently met a relative of mine who (according to them) was banished from home when they were still a child because they converted to Christianity. For what it’s worth, my family’s non-Christian (from another faith, really, but that’s a story for another day). We’re about to move to a country where one of my relatives stays.
Problem is, this relative isn’t just the issue of “my family ditched me because I believed in God in a different way”. Rather, they are “my family ditched me, so now I’m gonna make God my whole personality and hate on them subtly”.
By making it their entire personality, I truly mean it for what it is - “I had a vision” (proceeds to act on it even though it would strip them of a seven-figure career, empty their bank account and basically throw them into living on what little savings they have left), “it wasn’t me, it was God”.
To put it simply, they’re living the cross line between being a Jew and being a Christian. I’m talking about keeping a Kosher kitchen (though the same doesn’t apply when they go out to eat, lol?), Feast of the Tabernacle, every other sentence being about the Holy Spirit and about “my relationship with God”. Say anything that would remotely start a conversation, and you would get a lecture in return.
Fiancé and I got a house on rent near this relative, and safe to say even though he is resigned to it at this point, I’m freaking out. Recently, this relative lost their shit at me for asking if a dish contained pork (I don’t eat pork out of my own personal convictions) - saying that “you should not give them any reason to think you cannot be in the restaurant”. The staff didn’t have an issue.
At this point, it looks like we have nowhere else to go, short of a miracle happening in our lives that would make it possible to stay where we are or go somewhere else.
Given that, anyone have any advice as to how to keep the madness at bay? I’m freaking out.
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2023.05.29 05:01 Own-Balance-1610 AITAH for wanting revenge
34f I met a guy 34m and he was okay but I noticed he had certain insecurities right away. He would ask me who was at my house and shit like we were together. He would jokingly say fuck me during our first convo etc. anyway fast fwd and we’ve broken up but now I feel violated. While we were together and even before. He’s stalked my Twitter that he has be blocked on and is private but constantly screenshots mine and goes thru my likes. He told me to get on here and off Twitter so I’m sure he reads these too but he won’t give me hisss name here. He wants to go thru my phone and tell me who to talk to but he talks to people from the past not me. And then he gets angry when I’m beside him because he’s looking thru Facebook zooming into people lives he hasn’t seen in over a decade. All whole mad at me cuz my ex called 2 mos ago and got blocked. Idk I’m happy we aren’t together but now he calls himself ghosting me Lmfaoo the audacity. Pisses me off simply cuz I know he’s still watching me. I let him into my house and all my personals and he jus kept all his privacy. It’s wild. I want my lick back for wasting my time and I want to watch him too fuck that 😭😭😭
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2023.05.29 05:01 Longjumping-Bid-3642 Moving to Winnipeg in July, what’s your top 3 neighbourhood recommendations for young couples?
Hey everyone, my partner and I will be moving to Winnipeg in July and I will be visiting next week to start apartment hunting. We wanted to know what people’s top 3 neighbourhood recommendations were ?
Our rent budget is between $1300-1600, and are looking for a 1-2 bedroom apartment. We are looking for a safe neighborhood, where we can have walking access to nature (e.g., rivers, parks, walking tails, etc.). Not mandatory but would also be nice if there was walking access to cafés and restaurants. I will be working in downtown/central Winnipeg, and so a neighbourhood where I can have access to major roads would be ideal.
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2023.05.29 05:01 orangukey Keep getting disconnected from party
I have two PS5 consoles on at the moment (which happens relatively frequently) and only my PS5 is getting disconnected from the party/psn. Nothing else in my house is disconnecting from the internet except my console. I am using a lan cable to connect to my router, and it is the only thing connected to my router via cable.
I have tried all the basics (turning off an on both the console and the router as well as unplugging and replugging the ethernet)
I was in the party for about 20-30 minutes with no issue then I installed destiny 2 right at the end ( about 21 seconds left or so) of the download I randomly get a network error and now when I join the party I have about two or three minutes of voice chat before it disconnects me from psn.
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2023.05.29 05:00 ElectricEel404 Planning to take out student loans to move out of toxic parents house sometime later this year
Sorry in advance for the long post, but I feel I need to give full context
I am 18 and doing summer classes, which they are paying for, and will be taking fall classes(free through scholarship) this year. I have been applying to jobs and hopefully will get one soon, especially since I have more credentials (working my ass of high school year and getting certifications and such). HOWEVER, my parents have a joint account with me that we created when I was a minor, they take my money(have taken over a 1000 dollars) and refuse to give it back for bs reasons, and have made it clear that they will not stop taking out my money since I haven't "proven" myself yet. To most people, the solution seems simple, "stop being ungrateful, your parents pay for everything", and while I am extremely grateful to have food on my plate, clothes on my back, and a place to sleep, my parents are extremely strict, and have made it clear that now that I am 18, if I dont obey them completely or piss them off in any sort of way they legally have no obligation to feed me, clothe me, or even give me a place to live.
This wouldnt be a problem if they didnt keep taking my money so I would actually be able to afford my own food, clothes, and place to live. So far its only been 2000 plus a couple extra here and there, but once I get a stable source of income, it will escalate. It will start of with 6000, "we're just holding on to it so you dont spend it all, 10,000, "we are investing it in the stock market and will give it back to you when you *really* need it", my entire savings "we are your parents, were just doing whats best for you, its not like you need it anyways since you are living under our roof rent free". And once again, I know that I am lucky to have a place to live in a decent neighborhood, theres no denying that it is their house and they dont have any obligation to let me live there and they are just being generous, I dont have a problem with that, if they want to kick me out they have that right since they have no obligation to take care of me, what I DO have a problem with is taking *MY* hard earned money for bs reasons then complaining that I dont have enough money and that i'm not developing my money saving skills, which I cant even develop if they constantly take away my money. I'm being kept on a leash, and holding their generosity to let me stay over my head and taking away any other options. They said that they dont want me moving out for the next couple of years.
My previous plan was to work and save up enough money to leave, I was under a fantasy that they would give my money back, let me open my own account without any sort of threats or fights, and help me/support me with the move in process, but after they've come clean about what they're really using my money for (investing in the stock market) and that they have no plans to give it back or stop taking what is mine, I have no other choice but to take out student loans. Will I be able to take out student loans during the fall semester, is it through fasfa? Can I even do that since I am still technically dependent on my parents. Will they take into account my parents income knowing that they wont be financially supporting me? I've already filled out my fasfa with my parents so I could do the summer college courses, so can I even take out loans? (I didnt get any money from fasfa btw, grant, loan, or otherwise). Can I just walk into my colleges financial aid center, ask for a student loan, get the money and walk out? I know i'll have to create my own bank account, but that might start a fight so I need to do it when I am 100 percent certain of my plan. I dont have a car but I can always use uber, and I do have a drivers license. I know I should be grateful but I cant live like this! Constantly worrying if when I come home my shit will be thrown out on the street and I wont be let inside because i'm "not doing good enough in class" or "not adhering by our impossible rules".
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2023.05.29 04:59 alyssaness Genetic Genealogy Research & Why it Doesn't Matter to the Case Anymore
When people talk about genetic genealogy, they're (almost always) talking about autosomal consumer DNA testing on sites like Ancestry, 23&Me, and MyHeritage. This is very different
to paternity testing, which compares alleles between two samples.
In allele testing, the test looks at around 23-25 different alleles (places in the chromosomes) and compares them between the two samples. If these two samples are exactly the same in more than 14 of these alleles, that is a 99.9% chance of a parent-child relationship. As the number of matching alleles increase, so too does the probability of parenthood. But after 14 matching alleles, paternity is confirmed.
Other things to note:
- Paternity cannot ever be conclusively proven, but it can be conclusively disproven.
- Other relationships (e.g. nephew-uncle, siblings, 2nd cousins) are irrelevant to allele testing, and definitive conclusions cannot be drawn on these relationships based on matching alleles.
Autosomal testing is quite different. This looks at the entirety of your autosomal chromosomes (two pairs of 22) and your X chromosome/s. (Sidenote: X DNA inheritance isn't as straightforward as autosomal, but it can be useful in limited scenarios. Also Y DNA isn't relevant for this.) Matches are measured in centimorgans
(cM). You have ~7,000cM across your 44 autosomal chromosomes and share that amount with your identical twin or your clone. With your parents, you share around ~3,500cM; with your full siblings, you share around ~2,700cM. As the number of shared centimorgans decreases, so too does the closeness of the genetic relationship. But after this point, there are multiple relationships that share the same amount of centimorgans.
- A match of 1,700cM could be a grandparent, grandchild, aunt/uncle, niece/nephew, or half-sibling.
- A match of 1,000cM could be a great grandparent, great grandchild, great aunt/uncle, half-aunt/uncle, great niece/nephew, half-niece/nephew, or first cousin.
- A match of 100cM could be a half second cousin, second cousin once removed, half first cousin twice removed, first cousin three times removed, third cousin, half second cousin once removed, second cousin twice removed, half first cousin three times removed, half third cousin, third cousin once removed, half second cousin twice removed, second cousin three times removed, and a bunch of other relationships with low probability.
So, I've noticed a bit of misunderstanding in the discussions on genetic genealogy's role in this case. Some people seem to assume someone in BK's immediate family must have tested and uploaded to Gedmatch. This would be amazingly helpful to a genetic genealogist, but it isn't required at all. All you need to do is work out how the sample's matches are related to each other
and you can find where the sample person fits. I've determined a person's biological father based on one 1,000cM match and a handful of 100cM+ matches. That high match was a first cousin. In another case trying to find an unknown father, the highest match was ~860cM. That match ended up being a great uncle, allowing me to narrow down the biological father to two brothers, his nephews. I confirmed he was a great uncle by the matches to his other sibling's descendants. You don't even need matches that high to narrow it down considerably, there's a lot you can do with the paper trail and finding where your match's family lines intersect.
The key in genetic genealogy is finding where your sample logically fits. It's like a logic puzzle -- if
this match is a second cousin match, and their
maternal first cousin does not match the sample, then
the sample must
be on the match's paternal side. Let's say one set of great grandparents of this match are Bill Bloggs and Mary Smith. If
your sample matches with Bill Bloggs' brother's descendants and
Mary Smith's brother's descendants, then
your sample is also descended from the Bill Bloggs and Mary Smith coupling. (Usually -- don't get me started on endogamy and intermarriages!!)
Once you've identified all of the sample's matches and created a tree for the paper trail, you'll hopefully
be left with only one place where your sample can possibly fit. But most of the time, I'd say, you're still going to have a few possibilities. Most likely you will come to a sibling group where any one of them has an equal chance of being a parent. There are other ways to narrow it down further (e.g., say you're looking for your bio father -- is there only one male in the sibling group still living at the time of conception? Then you found him), but not by the DNA unless you do further testing. It's also possible you may only be able to narrow down the place your sample fits to a group of first cousins, where again each person has an equal likelihood. I believe this was the case with the GSK, that they were only able to narrow it down to Joseph James DeAngelo and his first cousin. At this point, there's nothing left to do but test them both, which is what the police did by collecting rubbish thrown away by both of them.
So, let's assume the cops used genetic genealogy in this case with the sheath DNA sample and that led them to the Kohbergers and a number of other families. Then they would have looked at the paper trail, finding that one (or more, I don't know what BK's cousins are up to) possibility for where the match fits was living in Pullman at the time of the murders. This is not enough for a conviction. So they collect rubbish from the Kohberger house and test a snotty tissue or something, not knowing whose DNA that would be. They find it is BK's father's DNA. This still does not point to BK exclusively. Any son of this man could be the donor of the sheath DNA sample. So, this is still
not enough for a conviction, but plenty probable cause for an arrest, since BK is the only (known) son. So they arrest him, and now the police can take a DNA sample without needing his consent. Obviously, it was a match since the cops aren't out looking for BK's long-lost brothehalf-brother.
So why would the prosecution enter the genetic genealogy research into evidence? There's no need. It points to BK, yes, but it also points to a handful of other men in BK's family tree. It isn't conclusive without further testing. I'm not a lawyer, but when I read people speculating that this is fruit if the poisonous tree, I don't really follow -- how is genetic genealogy research a poisonous tree? There's nothing illegal about using Gedmatch and genealogical tools to narrow down the pool of possible places where the sample fits. There's nothing illegal about collecting rubbish, police do it all the time.
Hopefully this explanation of genetic genealogy research makes sense. I'm a volunteer at my local genealogical society where I provide genetic genealogy services to people who were adopted and/or discover their parent/s are not their biological parent/s. This is exactly the same process forensic genetic genealogists use to identify perpetrators and Jane/John Does.
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