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2023.04.01 13:27 miranisasmusings New month, deep clean!! Satisfying clean in the kitchen and deep cleaning the bathroom!
2023.04.01 13:26 miranisasmusings Happy New Month Everyone! Reset for the month with me as I deep clean my home and set my intentions and goals for April!
2023.04.01 13:19 NoLaw4713 Day by day experience starting bupropion
I just started taking Bupropion recently. I was nervous to start because I’ve read a few things, and also the pharmacist reacted in a way that did not leave me assured. When I put the prescription in, he asked me if I’ve taken the medication before and warned me “it comes with a lot of side-effects, more so than the other antidepressants”.
I wanted to share my experience of the side effects starting out. I’ve taken a day by day account of the first five weeks because I was looking for this kind of information to put me at ease before I started to take it. There are a few accounts on Reddit, but I thought I would add my own experience in quite a bit more detail for those seeking this information.
Of course this comes with all the forewarnings: This is not prescriptive. Each persons experience will be different. Etc etc. I’m wishing to only provide this as a guide.
Also, to note I have had chronic insomnia since the age of 12.
23/02 Reduced appetite Slight head woozing cleaned apartment
24/02 Returned to normal, ate a lot, no energy
28/02 Difficulty sleeping day 2 of double dose
01/03 No appetite
02/03 (1 week mark) Mistake not taking 2
03/03 Reduced appetite, still low energy and motivation. Slight aggression/short temper
04/03 Reduced appetite, slight aggression. Gym, cleaned house, everything
05/03 Reduced appetite, slight aggression/short temper, much more motivation than before
8/03 Slight nausea in middle of day to extreme at night, didn’t vomit but felt like i wanted to No energy
9/03 (2 week mark) Extreme nausea, felt like vomiting. Nausea gets worse on an empty stomach? No energy
10/03 No nausea. Drinking and pissing a lot. Ate more No energy
11/03 No nausea. Drinking and pissing a lot. Appetite back No energy Maybe feeling a bit lighter
14/03 Wired and a bit gittery, no appetite
15/03 Wired and a bit gittery, no appetite Difficulty swallowing Difficulty sleeping
16/03 (3 week mark) Shallow breathing - asthma puffer helped Difficulty sleeping
17/03 A bit more active today Difficulty swallowing
18/03 More active again and really vibing music Difficulty swallowing
20/03 Difficulty swallowing
21/03 Shallow breathing
22/03 No sleep
23/03 No sleep
24/03 (4 week mark) No sleep
25/03 Slept from exhaustion
26/03 Sleep improving
27/03 More active and motivated Sleep better
29/03 Motivation high, appetite low
30/03 (5 week mark) Wanted to feel shit about my life and couldn’t
1/04 getting things done ive had on my to do list for a year
My thoughts are that I don’t believe bupropion has any greater side-effects than any other antidepressants, SSRIs like Zoloft, or any of the other popular ones. So in my opinion, I don’t understand why it’s a vilified (at least in Australia).
I am in A-type personality who relaxes by ticking things off of a to do list. Accomplishing tasks makes me feel better. Therefore I think an antidepressant that acts on dopamine, increasing motivation, is a really great option for people like me.
In conclusion, for me, it was a few days of nausea, quite a few days of having difficulty swallowing which was uncomfortable, and slightly more ongoing shortness of breath. I have an asthma puffer and that really helped me a lot. let’s give the severity of side-effects a 3 out of 10, not nearly as bad as I anticipated.
Unfortunately, at the five week mark, my appetite is in full swing and I haven’t experienced a reduction in appetite. And man, that really sucks because I was really looking forward to that so I can lose a bit of weight. But oh well, at least now I am a lot more consistent in going to the gym and I think I’m going to be a lot more consistent in meal preps as well.
I understand that that the therapeutic benefits like elevated mood, reduction in depressed mood, etc kick in after about week 6. I wouldn’t speak to that because it would truly be a different and unique experience for each person and far too difficult to articulate. I just wanted to share my experience of the side-effects in particular only.
Hope this helps those exploring this antidepressant.
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2023.04.01 13:13 selcouth96 Anyone have depression (or any mental illness) is also a caregiver? How it feels? How do you manage?
Hi all. This will be long sorry for the long vent.
I have been battling depression since a very young age for a lot of traumatic reasons.
When Covid hit I started to feel very unwell and depression for the first time took full control of me and made me not being able to take care of myself. I don’t know how I managed to do it since I was all alone in this journey, I was alone and did not have money to seek therapy, and it took me two years to be able to get back to my feet again and finally go out to live and start living. I remember there was days I cried over my muscles hurt for not moving from the bed but I did yoga in bed and cried during the sessions but I kept moving until I stood up again.
I started to bath more often, cook proper food, workout regularly and did many things in those two years until I started being able to work again.
Six month ago I did the first step and got myself into a job, it was extremely hard to go, having depression makes everything difficult. talking take energy, moving takes energy, seeing takes energy, and hearing takes energy, but I kept fighting and pushing myself to go so I can finally go seek the help I need and be able to pay for therapy.
But life does not give me a break, and one day right before my first day at work my dad had a suspected stroke and that changed everything. I needed to pose my healing and focus with my dad. Our family is not big and we don’t make much money, so I started to save some money for the therapy and kept the majority to my father for his recovery process.
Everything was going great and I was helping him along of trying to keep myself steady, and not go into another relapse, it was hard but manageable.
Until last December, after three month of his suspected stroke he got a real stroke which lead him to making his left side half paralysed temporarily and the doctor told us it will take a long time for him be able to walk and move this left hands again maybe never.
After that, for the past three month I am a caregiver to my dad, not the primary because we have a home nurse for 12 hours who help my dad with going to physiotherapy, and bath and cleaning. But after the nurse I am the second. I take care of almost everything every single day. cleaning the house, prepare food, cooking, grocery, check medical appointments, prepare medication, laundry, dishes, and basically anything that my dad needs + work and sleep deprived.
My sister take care of some other stuff as well and sometimes she help me with my part but since I have depression and I already need help, anything I do that may seem easy take 10 times effort for me.
This leaded to another self neglect loop. With depression I always say to everyone you need to sacrifice something to be able/have energy to do something else. For example I something sacrifice making food for myself to have energy to make my dad his favourite food and so on. I can’t do both since it takes a lot of energy to do anything.
Right now I am mess, I go to work with messy hair, not focused, I barely move and I can’t take proper care of myself. Doing so means I will not take care of my dad.
I also feel very guilty that I don’t spend my weekend with him anymore or talk to him much. I used to wait for the weekend or after work to stay and talk with him and be with him, but now and for three weeks all I do is making sure he have his favourite show on, ate dinner, talk to him for few hours and then go to bed and scroll my phone till going to sleep. And on my weekend all I do is stay in bed not being able to move just prepare the house for the next week and prepare his stuff and that’s it, I go to my room and don’t spend anytime with him due to being exhausted to talk or communicate in anyway and he started to tell me you don’t want to spend time with me. This is why it took me two years to work again, depression was so strong to the point I couldn’t get out of bed to shower so imagine how it feels now. I am burning myself but I find it not enough because he need more better care. He deserves attention 24 hours. Which I can’t give.
Right now I don’t watch my food, or sleep, or workout, or do anything that is needed to fight depression. And after three month I started to break. My dad need emotional, physical, and financial care. Which I gave it all for 6 month now. But I broke down today when I saw that I have almost zero dollar on my saving account and that means all of my savings for therapy is gone. I am 26 and still didn’t start living my life properly due to depression and having a very traumatic life, but when I did an attempt the one person I care about fell down and this is killing me slowly.
I don’t know what I should do but I know I can’t keep going like that. I need help myself.
I need to mention, I saved my dad on September when he had the suspected stroke, he was going to very dangerous area that may have harmed him, my dad is overweight and I am very small and fatigued most of the time, but that day I was in a depressive episode which made my body extremely weak, but I managed to grab him and pull him into the nearest room and look ourself in it and called the emergency. This experience made my depression worse but I had to numb myself for my dad, to be able to help him. The second time it was also me who was there, I was also alone with him and not feeling well again, I didn’t feel that he is well something was off but this time I called my sister and we managed to let him inside the car and then it was a stroke. Another trauma.
I feel that my life is just trauma. I don’t remember anytime I was doing well without pain no never.
I feel that by the time I am forty I will be more sick due to neglecting myself so badly and that will lead to a circle of being sick or taking care of someone who is sick. My dad is 72, I am 26, but it feels I am way older. Trauma aged me and not in a good way. I always felt like I am the parent for my dad and now it is even more with the stroke.
I feel bad for my dad and my life and selfish for thinking about myself and for having depression that makes me not being able to give more to my dad.
He needs me emotionally. And for someone who is drained this is impossible and I hate that.
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2023.04.01 13:08 du-dx 90 days completed
Today is April 1st, so I've completed the first 90 days of this year (currently at day 94). This is the longest I've gone without pornography since I first got 'saved' 4 years ago, when I lasted about 4 months but then I fell back to my old habits. Last year I got 93 days ending on March 7th, which was a new record since that time, but at the 90 day mark I was not celebrating, just exhausted and wanting to watch pornography.
This time (hopefully because of God) I have easily completed January, February and March without desiring to watch pornography. I don't want to get too celebratory, because there is still a laundry list of things that is really wrong with me (like pornography was more of a cherry on top that put me into Sodom territory), but its still kind of nice to be like, hey I'm no longer addicted to pornography.
I wrote this in my last post, but I am going to include it again:
- If you are able to get month long streaks but then fail, I would put focus on not failing multiple times after a fall from a long streak, but immediately trying to get clean again. If you failed yesterday, and are intent on failing today, try to set a minimum interval of a week before you fail again. Even if it is the wrong intention, having a "sin schedule", it will give you more time to reconsider, and more time to read your bible. You will feel better 1 week after failing from a month long streak, knowing that you immediately got up, rather than failing multiple times that week, feeling hopelessly stuck. This was the last step (1 of 2) that happened to me before I finally got to where I am now.
- If you are in a circumstance where it is difficult for you to find a group to regularly worship with every week, go to youtube, and find a livestream from a doctrinally sound church. This was the last step (2 of 2) that happened to me before I finally got to where I am now. When I would have failed hopelessly in NovembeDecember, instead I kept waiting until the next worship service, which got me 51 days when I almost failed on day 15.
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2023.04.01 13:03 Coveralloklahoma Industrial & Manufacturing - Coverall Oklahoma
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2023.04.01 13:02 WtotheStar Am I mentally ill?
I’m 16 and tend to let my impulsive thoughts control me when I’m not in the right mind space, which when i think about them don’t sound like something any sane person would do. I’ll say a few just to give you an idea.
- I was play fighting my sibling and a certain thing they did made loose control due to ptsd, I then proceeded to grab a hammer out from under the kitchen sink, go to my room and smash my walls with it to let off some steam. Then I ran away to my boyfriends(at the time) house without telling anyone and was reported missing for a week. (I returned home safely after being kicked out his house)
- I used to have an extreme fear of the dark(after being locked in a dark room for hours when I was younger) and couldn’t be in a room without most of it being lit up, in the middle of the night I decided I wasn’t scared of it anymore and walked in the pitch dark and…pee on the kitchen floor.
- I was bored out of y mind one day and annoying my siblings wasn’t very entertaining, I was sitting in the kitchen eating and was feeling very tense so I grabbed one of my mums wine glasses, chucked it in the air and watched it break. I then sat back down and continued to eat, my mum then came back inside from the garden and cleaned it up and offered to take me to a psych ward(which I said no to obviously because who would say yes).
I cbf writing the rest but you get the point.
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2023.04.01 12:59 FelicitySmoak_ On This Day In Michael Jackson HIStory - April 1st
Disclaimer: Some of these have unknown April dates. They are identified with a '*' 1968 - The J5 perform at a campaign rally for Richard Hatcher in Gary with Bobby Taylor and Diana Ross & The Supremes among others. Hatcher was the first African-American mayor of Gary, Indiana for 20 years, from 1968 to 1988. At the time of his first election on November 7, 1967, he and Carl Stokes were the first African-Americans to be elected mayors of a U.S. city with more than 100,000 people*
https://imgur.com/a/QPykxSx 1970 - The J5 rehearse for their first concert tour, which would start on May 2nd*
1971 - The Jackson 5 play at the Mid-South Auditorium, Memphis, Tennessee
1972 - J5's cover of Bobby Day's “Little Bitty Pretty One” is released by Motown. It is also the first song where you can clearly hear Marlon's voice. It will reach #13 on the Hot 100*
https://imgur.com/a/77uT4hU 1981- Michael does backing vocals on Carole Bayer Sager’s song “Just Friends”. Michael had previously recorded Sager's "It's the Falling in Love" for
Off the Wall. He was visiting Carole in the studio when she invited him to join the session. He came up with such a special part on the Bacharach/Sager composition "Just Friends" that they happily offered him a co-production credit*
https://youtu.be/bfGtCjIgnsU 1985 - Michael and seven members of USA For Africa are on the cover of Life Magazine
https://imgur.com/a/ZnDLbeA 1987 - Michael withdraws from The Jeovah’s Witness, a step that normally means he must be shunned by family members and friends who remain in the religious sect.
A representative of the Woodland Hills congregation where Jackson belonged said that the entertainer “disassociated” himself from the congregation and “no longer wants to be known as a Jehovah’s Witness.”
The official would not state what the implications of “disassociation” are, but when asked if they are serious, he responded, “Correct.”
Though Jackson’s anti-drug stance in public appearances was in keeping with the Witnesses’ clean-living codes, the entertainer’s Grammy-winning album
Thriller produced tensions with the sect leaders in 1983 because of allegations the record and short film encouraged occult beliefs*
1988 - Michael plays the last of three nights at the Civic Center in Hartford, Connecticut
https://imgur.com/a/g5555p4 The story of Anne Miner: Anne is a great-grandmother who never attended a rock concert and prefers Big Band-era music. She says she is 'excited' about going to see Michael Jackson with tickets she won from a radio station but plans on taking cotton with her for her ears
'I'm excited. It's a chance of a lifetime experience,' said Anne Miner, 70. 'How many times are you going to see Michael Jackson in concert?'
The Greenfield woman, who admitted her favorite group was the Glenn Miller Band, big in the 1940s, won the tickets in a Michael Jackson Trivia Contest sponsored by WHAI radio and the Pepsi Co.
A chauffeur-driven white stretch limousine complete with champagne were to pick up Miner and a guest at her home and drive them to Hartford Civic Center in Connecticut and back.
She even considered wearing her old black-leather coat to the concert. She intends to go with her 20-year-old nephew, Michael J. Smith.
Smith said he prefers hard-rock bands like Bon Jovi over Jackson, but still expected to enjoy the concert. 'I'm just glad (Jackson) doesn't wear that white glove anymore.'
The two were given floor seats worth $22.50 each to the concert, which sold out just hours after tickets went on sale.
To earn the tickets, Miner answered three questions:
- What's Jackson's current record label?
- What's the identity of the celebrity who discovered him
- Where did Jackson grow up?
Miner said she determined Jackson's record label was Epic by going to a record store and that she learned his hometown was Gary, Indiana at the Greenfield Public Library. She admitted she guessed that Diana Ross was the celebrity who discovered him
'I'm always winning something,' said Miner, a retired waitress of 41 years. She said she's a compulsive contest player who occasionally gambles on the Massachusetts State Lottery and always buys raffle tickets.
Miner said she has seen Jackson 'shaking around' on television and thinks he is a lot like Elvis Presley, but adds he 'looks like a girl.'
1989 -Michael is on the cover of Ebony magazine.
https://imgur.com/a/UeLPsn8 1989 - Filming of "Liberian girl" short film takes place over 2 days. Veteran video director, Jim Yukich, was brought in to help craft a memorable clip.
“CBS Epic called and Michael Jackson wants to do a video for this song ‘Liberian Girl’ and I hadn’t heard this song yet,” said Yukich. “I’m thinking like ‘Off the Wall’ or ‘Rock with You’ or just I figure it will be one of those classic Michael Jackson killer songs, right? And ‘Liberian Girl’ is not a killer song. It’s funny — what do you do? So again, we’re throwing the kitchen sink at it, and so I pitched the idea to Michael that we would have him shoot the video while all these are people waiting to begin the video, and they don’t realize it until the end is that he’s directing.”
“He loved the idea. We started calling people, and we just called in favors from friends. I had just done a television special with Richard Dreyfuss, and Richard said he’d love to be in it. He said, ‘Can I call up Steven?’ and I said, ‘Steven who?’ and he said ‘Steve Spielberg and Amy Irving, and I said, “Yeah!” So he called Spielberg and Amy, and then you start calling people saying you have these people, and I’d start naming names and it was easy. It was very easy to get people because as soon as you get a couple of big names, everybody wants to be in it.”
The shooting day basically consisted of Yukich and his crew filming all the celebrities on a soundstage as they wait for Michael to show up. The final list of guest stars served as, in retrospect, a truly strange snapshot of that year in showbusiness.Comedy writers were given the task of writing some interesting things for the cast to say on camera while they waited.
“So we just had two days, and we had the live audio with John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John doing the scene when they sang together, and they hadn’t sang together onscreen since ‘Grease’, so it was something to do that, and we just shot this grand stuff of people talking, and the outtakes are incredible because it’s just people talking. The song is not even playing! It’s just great getting all these stars in a room and you’re just filming and they’re saying, ‘What are you supposed to do?’ and we’d say, ‘We’ll get back to you,’ and you’d just mike everybody and shoot stuff.”
Yukich said that in a room filled with stars, Steven Spielberg’s uneasiness on the other side of the camera was the biggest surprise. Yukich used a push-pull camera shot on Spielberg, who was the director that made that camera shot popular, hence its industry nickname – 'The Jaws Shot'
“He was nervous. We did that push-pull move for that shot, and he was more nervous than I was, you know, being on camera. He wanted to try to do this favor for Michael because he wanted Michael for a movie.” Yukich also said that working with Michael was an amazing experience, but required some on-set preparation.
“Incredible,” he said. “I mean, at first, it was funny because he sent his handlers in first, and they check, and they said he is coming in 10 minutes. They go in all the different rooms to make sure that no bombs were there and there were no fans hanging out, and they kicked people out, and it was almost like going through airport security or something. They basically kicked people out there who weren’t supposed to be there, and they bring in a microwave oven with bananas for Bubbles the monkey and Max which was the baby monkey. It was like a real rigmarole, and then when he showed up, you know, he was unbelievably nice. Such a pleasant person and a nice guy.”
Jackson also had only one request involving the removal of a person from the final cut.“He called me a couple of times after he saw the edit. He would make us do some things, like he took out David Spade. David Spade was in the original cut. He called me up and he said, ‘Jim, this is Michael,’ and you think somebody was fooling with you, basically. You would never know if it was really him until he started talking about specifics and you could say, okay, that is Michael. So he called us up and he on a walkie-talkie phone or something, or he’s up in Santa Barbara, and says, ‘You know, in 3 minutes and 20 seconds, there’s a guy blonde here. Who is that guy?’ I said his name is David Spade. ‘I don’t know who he is, take him out.’ So Spade was out, and I’m sure Spade was, like, pissed!” (Spade had not yet joined SNL)
Yukich is still aggravated that the song, and hence the video, was never released in America.
When Jackson died suddenly, Yukich immediately thought back to the video and a conversation the two had.
“To this day, I’ve been – I guess not so much anymore, because years have gone by — but I was convinced when he died that he didn’t die. We made that video, and he said to me, ‘I would love to be hiding and see what people say about me, you know?’ I mean, having shot all that footage and then he died? It was just kind of weird.”
The video is dedicated to Liz Taylor, who is in fact not a Liberian girl *
1996 - Michael starts filming the “Ghost” short film in Van Nuys studios in California. During breaks, he visits his family at Hayvenhurst disguised as the “Mayor”*
2002 - Michael is about to start shooting the “Unbreakable” short film when Sony announces that they won’t release the single. The promotion of the Invincible album is over with only 2 singles!!! *
2002 -Michael’s former business manager Myung-Ho Lee files a $13 million lawsuit claiming that on September 14, 2001 Michael met him in Los Angeles and signed an agreement to pay him fees but he never got them. Michael’s lawyer Zia Moddaber answsers that his client never signed anything and was not even in Los Angeles on that date…
In his suit, Lee claimed that Jackson hired him in the late 1990s to put the musician’s finances in order, only to turn a deaf ear when it came to taking Lee’s advice by refusing to curb spending. Lee then claimed Jackson never paid him, instead relying on “charlatans” and “hucksters” for advice.
In his court papers, Lee called Jackson a “ticking financial time bomb waiting to explode” who owed banks hundreds of millions of dollars in loans.
Michael would countersue claiming Lee and Union Finance swindled millions from him and destroyed financial records to cover up their misdeeds.
2003 - Michael and Chris Tucker visit lawyer Willie Gary in Stuart, Florida.
2003 - Vanity Fair (#tabloidtrash) reported that Michael Jackson had attended a voodoo ritual in 2000 where a witch doctor promised that Steven Spielberg and 24 other people would die. The people noted were on Jackson's list of enemies. Jackson also wired $150,000 to a voodoo chief named Baba who sacrificed 42 cows for the ceremony. The article also reported that Jackson wore a prosthesis that serves as the tip of his nose
https://archive.vanityfair.com/article/2003/4/losing-his-grip 2004 - Michael attended the Ethiopian Embassy in Washington DC to support The African Ambassadors' Spouses Association (A.A.S.A.). He was accompanied by the ambassador of Niger's wife, Haoua Piatta, and Mazie Green Holland. He watched a children's group dance before being awarded the Golden Elephant award for his worldwide humanitarian efforts, particularly the fight against AIDS in Africa.
https://imgur.com/a/HEpLUIO https://youtu.be/gFBUiPkfisU 2005 - Trial Day 24
Michael goes to court with Katherine & Joe. Testimonies of Jeff Klapackis, Jack Green, Larry Feldman & Jesus Salas.
Larry Feldman, the attorney who first interviewed Michael Jackson's accuser testified that he was never asked to file a lawsuit against the singer.
However, he did acknowledge under cross examination, that the boy and his younger brother could file civil lawsuits until they turn 20 years old, the accuser being 15 years old now.
The prosecution had called Feldman to explain how the alleged molestation came to the attention of the authorities, but the defense used his appearance to try to show its belief, that the accuser and his family were out to get money from Jackson.
Jackson's defense lawyer, Thomas Mesereau grilled Feldman about the the impact of a criminal conviction, whether or not it would make a financial judgment easier.
"If Mr. Jackson was convicted of felony child molestation in this case, (the boy or his brother) could use that case to win a civil case alleging similar of same facts against Mr. Jackson, is that correct?" asked Mesereau.
"That is correct" said Feldman.
The two lawyers sparred over the exact requirements of a civil suit, and Feldman denied accusations of encouraging the criminal action, in an attempt to avoid incurring costs involved in preparing a civil lawsuit.
However, Feldman insisted that there would still be litigation expenses.
DA Tom Sneddon asked Feldman whether he was planning a lawsuit at the time, that he referred the accusing family to Santa Barbara prosecutors, to which Feldman replied "There was no lawsuit and there were no plans to file a lawsuit. It was up to you to investigate"
Feldman was permitted to tell jurors of a previous accusation against Jackson in 1993, where Feldman represented another boy, who won a monetary settlement. Jurors were not told how much the boy was paid, but Feldman said there were no trouble collecting it. An amount which has been reported to be millions of dollars.
Sneddon projected a photograph of the boy from the previous allegations on a courtroom screen, and asked Feldman to identify him.
"He was much better looking at that age. He was adorable," Feldman said, a remark which the judge ordered stricken from the record.
The picture showed a boy who many believe bears a striking resemblance to the current accuser.
Feldman said that while he met with the current accuser's mother many times after he ceased to represent her officially, he has "never been asked to file any lawsuit against Michael Jackson"
When Feldman walked outside the courthouse in an afternoon break in testimony, fans yelled "liar", "tell the truth" and "you're making money off the backs of these people"
Feldman said, he was first contacted by the family because of a dispute over the boy's appearance in the documentary,
Living With Michael Jackson where he appeared holding hands with Jackson. Feldman then referred the family to psychologist Stan J. Katz "to make out some heads and tails of what was being told to me by the family"
Katz reported suspicions of molestation to authorities after interviewing the family.
Also on the stand Friday, was an an investigator who testified that linens seized by police from Michael's bed, had failed to yield any DNA linked to the teenage accuser or his brother.
In other testimony, Sheriff's Lt. Jeff Klapackis defends the scale of the effort, when 69 investigators served a search warrant at Neverland on Nov. 18, 2003.
The large number of investigators were needed, he said, because they had only been allowed one day to carry out the search, because the district attorney didn't want to "burden the ranch and its employees with our presence longer than that," Klapackis said. He also said that there were large buildings to search at the 2,800-acre ranch.
Klapackis also said, that they took all bedding during the search, because that is where the accuser and his brother claim to have frequently slept, and where they allege the molestation took place.
During cross-examination, Klapackis said authorities did not test bottle and glasses containing alcohol for fingerprints - found in Jackson's bedroom as well as the home's wine cellar and kitchen. Nor did investigators test furniture, boxes, mannequin toys and rails along Jackson's stairwell, or his bedroom doors for fingerprints.
When asked on redirect why, Klapackis said, "It didn't enter in the investigation at the time."
However, they did test pornographic magazines. The boy's brother testified how Jackson showed them magazines. A fingerprint analyst has testified earlier, that the prints of Jackson and his accuser were recovered from the same magazine.
Jack Green, president of a Ventura telephone systems company, testified that he had inspected Neverland's phone systems. He explained that it had a function to allow someone to listen in on other's calls, but there was nothing to prevent anyone from calling 911.
Prosecutors allege the family's calls were monitored by Jackson, whereas the defense say the family could have called for help, if they truly were captives.
https://imgur.com/a/DNEfibQ 2005 - Whoopi Goldberg defends him on
Real Time With Bill Maher https://youtu.be/wwDmVnXIT2Q 2009 - Michael has a business meeting with Dr. TohmeTohme at the Bel Air Hotel
https://imgur.com/a/XEhBA68 2009 - Miko Brando, Michael Bush, Dennis Tompkins & Karen Faye are back on the MJ team*
2014 - The album
Xscape was made available for pre-order on iTunes, Amazon and MichaelJackson.com.
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2023.04.01 12:55 hanhenkru AITA for making baked beans and sausage in the Morning
Some Background I (M18) am currently living with my parents (M54 & W 51), I also have a sister (W16). I am overweight and have some problems with eating to much sweets. Also we are frogs culture were eating warm breakfast isn't really a thing. So to the Story: Today I woke up at around 7am, having alread planned to got eat some beans in the morning, i swung myself on a bike and rode to a grocery store and bought (with my own money) some baked beans and sausage. At around 8am I made them on the stove, during which my sister entered the kitchen to make herself ready for training, she didn't care about what I was making. After having successful "cooked" my breakfast, i began cleaning up. Like putting the pans in the dishwasher and also getting rid of any fat that got onto the Induktion stove. At around 8:40am my mother came down, and started accusing me of using the kitchen and eating. I said that was true. And she kinda flipped out. Started ranting about me eating too much and how dare I make myself beans in the morning and saying how unnatural that is, why didn't I just eat some bread. And kicked me out of the living room. Note: We don't have rules against using the kitchen So AITA?
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2023.04.01 12:55 totallyonsight Commercial cleaners - do you keep all cleaning equipment on the client's site?
I'm designing my commercial cleaning pricing, and I'm not sure what the norm is regarding what equipment to store on site, vs what equipment to bring in for each clean (if any).
My current plan is to charge each client a set-up fee for all cleaning equipment required (mop & bucket, vacuum, dusters, microfibre towels, etc).
Would that be expected? Or do other commercial cleaners typically bring in certain equipment for each clean?
I plan to focus on small offices starting out.
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2023.04.01 12:36 willysairnyc Willys Air Conditioning Inc
Other Ways to Improve Your Indoor AirIf you want to ensure that your home’s air quality stays clean and healthy, we can inspect the condition of your entire HVAC system. Problems can surface in your AC unit or furnace, as well as your duct work. Once we identify the source of the contamination, we’ll eliminate it immediately.
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2023.04.01 12:09 TheTorso666 AITA for not wanting my FIL to raise our rent
Hey everyone! I don't know if this is the correct place to post this but here goes. I will not be using names for safety purposes in case it gets back to anyone who knows us. Back in September 2022 my husband and I moved out to California for his job. Husband's bio dad decided we could stay with him and his wife (hubby's step mom) until I found work, and could get our own place. I left my job to move with hubby as this was a very good opportunity for him. 6 months later, I still don't have a job. Not for lack of trying but I don't have a degree so it makes obtaining work difficult. Hubby's dad decided that 500$ rent for a bedroom was a good price. We agreed to that price when we moved into the room. To clarify we pay for our own groceries, phone bill, car, and misc streaming services, so we pay 500$ for the room and access to the kitchen and bathroom. Dad and his wife help with nothing beyond helping us get a car back in December. Recently (the day of this post) hubby's dad approached him and said he was raising our rent to 650$ because "since we don't have a house or any kids after 11 years of marriage we are not responsible, and that he is trying to teach us responsibility." We've previously only ever lived in apartments. There was no discussion, just a "hey next month is 650." Hubby tried to talk them down, especially since hubby's brother also rents a room with dad and his rent was being raised too. Between hubby and his brother they pay the whole mortgage. Dad eventually started yelling and stated that if we don't want to pay the 650 to just get out. Some insults were thrown my way by dad about my lack of job, and how I apparently don't clean anything (I always clean up after ourselves. I.e. dishes, counters and stove, the bathroom). Hubby and I have decided that moving back to Texas where my mother is would be best, but after some deep brooding (probably not the healthiest thing) I was wondering if we were the assholes for not wanting to pay 150$ more in rent 6 months after moving to California?
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2023.04.01 12:05 thislittlecowpoke I'm pretty over it in my 30s. I feel like I've just had enough.
I've had a pretty rough life so far. My dad was my only real friend, and he died of cancer 2 years ago. He wanted in home hospice, so I moved in with him and took care of him. He died 6 months after been diagnosed with lung cancer. It's awful watching something wither away and die. I was right next to him when he died. Listening to someone's last breaths, and having to check their pulse, and then calling hospice to tell them he's dead is something no one should ever have to do. It's so brutal to watch someone die at the age of 63 from such an awful disease. I miss him so much. Sometimes for a brief second, I'll forget he's dead and think 'oh man, dad would love this, I have to show him' when I find something funny or that he would have thought was cool.
I currently live with my mom, her husband, and my brother. My mom didn't help me take care of my dad (they're divorced), but she has the audacity to tell me 'it's been 2 years, you just need to get over it.' I was having a hard time taking a shower, because I was basically laying in bed for days, because my depression was horrible. I finally got up and got the motivation to at least make something to eat, and the first thing my mom says is 'Jesus, you really need to shower, you stink'. I tried the other day to bring up the fact that I've been sober from alcohol for 14 months, which I felt proud of. The first thing my mom said when I brought it up is 'yeah, but you stay up all night on the internet like some crazy person'. I try to be kind to everyone. I don't ever argue with people, or insult people. I don't like being mean to people. It doesn't feel fair that everyone is always so mean to me.
I've always been an outcast. I'm overweight and balding. I'm painfully shy. I've always been an easy target for bullies. I got bullied in school, and I got bullied at home. Jesus, even people that haven't met me bully me online when I try to play multi-player video games. I don't fit in anywhere. Maybe I'm just too sensitive to exist.
I have really awful social anxiety. It's painful for me to even make eye contact or have to speak to someone in real life. I can't hold down jobs. I got hired by McDonalds at the age of 36, and I don't think I'm ready to work yet. I think I'm just not going to show up for my first shift.
I'm so tired of feeling miserable. I've been diagnosed with depression and GAD and c-PTSD. Meds don't help. Therapy doesn't help. I guess the problem is me. Maybe my brain is just too broken. Maybe I'm just too weak. Maybe I'm not meant to fit in. It's funny to me that everyone says I have potential, and I should keep trying. Where are those people when I need someone to talk to? I've tried telling people that I think I need help, and I'm really hurting here, and people seem to just ignore it and continue telling me about some cool thing they bought recently, or a new video game they're playing. I get some people don't want to listen to others complain. Nowhere. It's easy to tell people they can just turn their life around and make it seem easy, when you don't know what it feels like to be so fucking miserable that even taking a shower and getting yourself clean is mentally exhausting.
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2023.04.01 11:53 Much_Addendum327 i’m fourteen years all and all i’ve ever wanted was to be liked by something or someone
tw - sh/ sa
ever since i was 8 years old i wanted to die so badly, though at the time i was being sexually abused by countless people at the time so i guess that would’ve encouraged that thought but right now i’m trapped, my friends are horrible to me, they hang out people i tell them hurt me like this one guy who groped me on the bus when i was 11 they keep talking to him, and i have no one else to go to when they go up to him at school so i just say i need the bathroom and cry there, also my friend told my crush i liked him even though i told her that if he ever rejected me i would kill myself so i would rather not know his response she did it anyway, lucky he didn’t really give out much of a response and just said something irrelevant and ran away embarrassed but that same friend also humiliated me in front of him in role call saying i called him so big he could fit inside of my little sisters suitcase (the suit case was very wide and was probably 4’11 long) when i never said that, all i said was that my sisters suit case is so big a person could fit in there but she made it seem like i was calling him fat. the person i said i’d kill myself over him not liking me due to him being the only thing i live for she decides to say i called him fat. whenever i try hanging out with someone else other then her she gets mad, saying she feels sad that i don’t hang out with her and saying she feels left out and i’m a people pleaser so it’s really hard to stay away from someone and tell them to go away i just usually do whatever people want me to do it’s not something i can handle, also i’m not even safe when o go home my dad has bipolar and he used to not take his pills so he’d scream at me and my sisters, one time he smashed my older sisters phone and threw metal pipes at her at beated her then threw shit down the stairs breaking the window and one time when i was getting back from primary (elementary) school i saw him grab my dog and throw it outside a open door which the dog got his head stuck on the fence and almost choked to death and other shit he did i can’t remember but he takes his pills now just in terrified of him and my mom used to hit me whenever i did something bad but now she just yells at me, i think she still very badly just wants to hit me again because she said she doenst hit me anymore because it illegal and she really tries her hardly to just yell at me for every small tiny thing i do no matter what she will try to yell and ridicule every small thing i do, i can’t move, think, breathe correctly near her it’s gotten to the point where i get genuine heart dropping fear asoon as i hear foot steps coming forming the stairs , anything im doing i just drop it, quickly clean it all up and run to my room and wait for her to go back upstairs . i can’t even go to my grandma because she’s even worse one time i was at her house and i was extremely sick i couldn’t move or eat properly because of how much it hurts my body and my throat especially it hurt way too much i was crying from trying to eat and my grandma udndt care she just said it was all my fault for ruining the trip( i get holidays when i go to my grandmas house because she actually takes me outside unlike my parents) all my grandma did was give me pain killers and let me sleep for hours in her bed not even awake for probably 20 minutes i just slept for the entire day and entire night . i’m safe no where my most safest place is the library or the toilets at my school because in the library and toilets no one bothers me, looks at me, hit me or screams at me there i can be alone without constant stress but atm that’s the only thing i have and i only have 2 more years of school so it’ll be stripped away from me . i don’t know how to get a job no one will help me with it and i don’t understand it. i’m not covid vaccinated either because my mom thinks i’m not worth it and it’s too expensive. my mom also doenst care for a single problem i have i keep telling her i see shadows of people in the corners of my eye or even afew times someone very clearly just with a weird non human face or they disappear when i blink or turn my head away, she thinks i make it up and doenst care she thinks i do it for attention,i hate myself aswell i think i’m extremely ugly i have so many pimples i just want to rip my face off atp i hate my face i just want to be pretty honestly i jsut want atleast for my crush to like me maybe you know to have just someone to like me but i feel and look too ugly i think . i don’t understand why i can’t have anything i can’t live a day without my friend embarrassing me RIGHT INFRONT OF YHE MAN I WOULD KILL MYSELF OVER I TELL THEM THIS AND THEY JUST DONT FUCKING CAREEE when i told them to stop fucking doing thsi shit and al they did was roll their fucming eyes and give me an annoyed face like what the fuck did i do to deserve this fucking life I JUST WANT TO DIE ALREADY I HATE THIS SHIT WHY CANT I BE FUCKING AHPPY I AHVE YEHDJJHSSVUO
i cry almost every night just thinking of being in a friend group like in year 6 when i had a friend who used to actually care and listen to me. but they never come to school anymore. they can’t handle school and just don’t come anymore.
i have many self harm scars all over my body because of this one time this guy i used to date for in year 6. i got pimples and said he doenst want to date me anymore because i got ugly. i want to die
i will kill myself im sorry if you can’t read some of this im typing this at 8pm while i wait for my mom to go into her car for work so i can go to the kitchen and eat food im happy if anyone even reads the title
i’m so scared of killing my self but death seems to relaxing.. finally getting to sleep without loud noises and alarms i really wish i could die in my sleep so peacefully and not messy but i can’t just do that and i heard overdosing hurts so i don’t know what to do i just want and need to die i have nothing i just want peace
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2023.04.01 11:47 throwaway_pettyclean AITA for not doing any chores at home anymore?
I (F25) have been living with my bf (M27) for about 5 months. Throughout the months, I’ve realized that I am doing nearly everything at home. I work hybrid full time and my bf works part time from home so he is at home everyday whole day.
He usually stays up at night and sleep just before I go to work, so I always wake up to a messy living room and kitchen. I am also the one who cooks, cleans, launders the clothes and goes grocery shopping.
I only realized that I am doing everything a few weeks ago. I have talked to him about this issue a lot as I am starting to feel really tired but he always says that he helps me enough and that I should stop complaining.
So, three weeks ago, I decided to stop doing everything completely. I stopped cooking, going to buy groceries, maintaining/cleaning the house. I only cook for myself dinner and do my own dishes and laundry but nothing else. I wanted to see if my bf was going to realize and step up.
In the course of three weeks, no one has been going to buy groceries, so I have been eating the only thing we have at home which is pasta. No one has cleaned the house once, and a pile of dirty laundry (his) has formed. I can already see some mold forming in our bathroom and our kitchen is extremely dirty and smelly.
I refuse to clean everything. It would take hours and I don’t see why I should be the one doing it. My bf has been complaining a bit that I haven’t been cooking for him but I told him I was too busy with work (which is true). He has been mostly ordering food everyday but has been skipping meals a lot has there is barely any food at home, he has been losing weight (and he is already pretty skinny).
The state of our house is degrading and I honestly feel disgust living here, but I am done doing everything by myself. I realize that this is really petty. I have told this to a few of my friends and while they are acknowledging the fact that I shouldn’t do everything at home, they are saying I am wrong in not cleaning a bit or buying some fresh food. As I said, the state of the house is degrading and mold is forming, and my friends are saying I can’t just not do anything about this and I should at least make sure we live in a hygienic place. I agree, but I won’t do it by myself.
So, AITA for not doing anything anymore?
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2023.04.01 11:39 iRubicon Soap SudsIn Toilet
My wife and daughter were each taking showers at the same time the other day in both upstairs bathrooms. I was downstairs and could hear a gurgling sound in the kitchen sink and the downstairs bathroom. I went in the downstairs bathroom and the toilet was full of soap suds and gurgling. Water had splashed into the rim.
I am in a septic system with two tanks and a pump. I had the system pumped and filter cleaned about a year ago.
Any thoughts?
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2023.04.01 11:35 CaregiverAshamed9661 The Easy Way to Hire a Professional Private Events and permanent Chef Consultant
There is no shortage of career opportunities in the F&B industry. Whether you like to innovate and create, manage and consult, or even combine science and art, catering is so versatile that there's room for almost anything. After all, as long as there are people around, someone has to feed them. One interesting F&B career option is as a
Private events chef consultant.
At Operational Chef Consultants, our chef consultant is an experienced culinary expert who can advise and use his knowledge in the food industry to monitor, analyze and offer various solutions for restaurants and catering companies. Whether it's a hotel, chain, or independent restaurant - or even an appliance company or supplier - chef consultants can pinpoint the strengths and weaknesses of various operations and provide solutions for smoother, more efficient business operations.
Dietitians often specialize in a certain area. The activities of a chef-consultant have no limits, and each working day can look completely different. However, projects range from supporting new projects - ie. Defining how entire kitchens operate from design to opening day, including menu development and supplier selection – to consulting on existing projects to identify and improve operational gaps. So if you are a private event chef consultant, visit our website and book your appointment now.
Does Operational Chef Consultant provide Permanent Chefs?
Before delving into their activities, it is important to understand who an office chef is. This
Permanent chefs work under the agency. They are usually independent chefs who run an accommodation or catering business or a limited company. Specialization is important in any field. Unlike full-time chefs, you do nothing and everything in the kitchen.
Office chefs specialize in a specific niche. We offer our candidates several permanent positions in London and across the UK in a variety of locations including hotels, restaurants, gastro pubs, and more. We want to hear if you are a chef, pastry chef, and chef or have been a chef in another field.
We are looking for candidates who demonstrate that they are proactive, reliable, and willing to work with us to meet the needs of our customers. Cooks of all skill levels, with good experience, or who have recently completed a professional kitchen course, are welcome. To learn more, fill out the online application form and a business consultant will contact you.
Why do you need the Temporary Kitchen Porter?
A
temporary kitchen porter or kitchen manager is responsible for assisting other kitchen staff such as chefs, cooks, managers or supervisors. Their main tasks are cleaning the kitchen, buying supplies, and equipment, and organizing food and other things in the warehouse.
Kitchen porters can be found working anywhere food is prepared on a large scale. So if you are looking for a
Kitchen Porter agency to hire a kitchen porter, contact us. The main duties and responsibilities employed by kitchen porters include:
- Countertops, kitchen surfaces, stoves, ovens, grills, and sinks should all be cleaned and sterilized.
- Once the kitchen is closed, thoroughly clean it to make sure it is prepared for the following day.
- Maintaining the freezers and refrigerators that are used for food preservation
- Receiving and organizing supplies in the kitchen
- Putting dirty dishes in the machine or washing utensils, pots, cutting boards, and pans
- Removing kitchen waste from trash cans and correctly discarding it
- Cleaning and keeping kitchen appliances such as pots, cookers, and food mixers
- Assisting the chef with fundamental food preparation tasks like chopping, peeling, and washing produce
- Assisting prep cooks and other culinary personnel as necessary
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2023.04.01 11:24 onpoint9847 AZ Driver Jobs in Vaughan
If you are looking for AZ driver jobs in Vaughan, On Point Recruiting is a great place to start. They are a recruitment agency that specializes in connecting qualified candidates with reputable employers in the transportation industry. Here is a guide to help you understand what AZ driver jobs in Vaughan entail and how On Point Recruiting can help you land your dream job.
What is an AZ Driver Job in Vaughan?
An
AZ driver job in Vaughan typically involves driving heavy vehicles such as trucks and trailers that weigh more than 4,600 kg. These jobs may involve long-distance driving, local delivery, or specialized transportation such as hazardous materials or oversized loads. AZ drivers must have a valid commercial driver's license (CDL) and a clean driving record. They must also be able to operate their vehicles safely, navigate through traffic, and communicate effectively with dispatchers and customers.
How to Find AZ Driver Jobs in Vaughan with On Point Recruiting
On Point Recruiting can help you find AZ driver jobs in Vaughan that match your skills and experience. Here is how the process works:
Submit your application: You can submit your application online through On Point Recruiting's website. You will need to provide your contact information, driving experience, and any relevant certifications.
Interview with a recruiter: Once your application has been reviewed, you will be contacted by a recruiter who will conduct a phone or video interview. They will ask you about your driving experience, your availability, and your preferences for a job.
Match with potential employers: On Point Recruiting will match you with potential employers who are looking for drivers with your qualifications. They will provide you with detailed information about each job, including the pay, schedule, and job requirements.
Schedule interviews: If you are interested in a job, On Point Recruiting will schedule an interview with the employer. They will also provide you with tips on how to prepare for the interview and what questions to ask.
Accept a job offer: If the employer decides to hire you, On Point Recruiting will help you negotiate your salary and benefits. They will also provide you with information on how to get started with your new job.
Benefits of Using On Point Recruiting to Find AZ Driver Jobs in Vaughan
There are several benefits to using On Point Recruiting to find AZ driver jobs in Vaughan:
- Expertise: On Point Recruiting has years of experience in the transportation industry and understands the unique needs of employers and drivers.
- Access to job opportunities: On Point Recruiting has relationships with many reputable employers in the transportation industry, which gives you access to job opportunities that may not be advertised elsewhere.
- Personalized service: On Point Recruiting will work with you one-on-one to understand your skills and preferences and match you with job opportunities that fit your needs.
- Support throughout the hiring process: On Point Recruiting will provide you with support and guidance throughout the hiring process, from preparing for interviews to negotiating job offers.
Conclusion
If you are looking for
AZ driver jobs in Vaughan,
On Point Recruiting can help you find the right job for your skills and experience. By submitting your application and working with a recruiter, you can access job opportunities that may not be available elsewhere. On Point Recruiting will also provide you with support and guidance throughout the hiring process, ensuring that you are well-prepared for interviews and negotiations.
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2023.04.01 11:23 onpoint9847 AZ Driver Jobs in Vaughan
If you are looking for AZ driver jobs in Vaughan, On Point Recruiting is a great place to start. They are a recruitment agency that specializes in connecting qualified candidates with reputable employers in the transportation industry. Here is a guide to help you understand what AZ driver jobs in Vaughan entail and how On Point Recruiting can help you land your dream job.
What is an AZ Driver Job in Vaughan?
An
AZ driver job in Vaughan typically involves driving heavy vehicles such as trucks and trailers that weigh more than 4,600 kg. These jobs may involve long-distance driving, local delivery, or specialized transportation such as hazardous materials or oversized loads. AZ drivers must have a valid commercial driver's license (CDL) and a clean driving record. They must also be able to operate their vehicles safely, navigate through traffic, and communicate effectively with dispatchers and customers.
How to Find AZ Driver Jobs in Vaughan with On Point Recruiting
On Point Recruiting can help you find AZ driver jobs in Vaughan that match your skills and experience. Here is how the process works:
Submit your application: You can submit your application online through On Point Recruiting's website. You will need to provide your contact information, driving experience, and any relevant certifications.
Interview with a recruiter: Once your application has been reviewed, you will be contacted by a recruiter who will conduct a phone or video interview. They will ask you about your driving experience, your availability, and your preferences for a job.
Match with potential employers: On Point Recruiting will match you with potential employers who are looking for drivers with your qualifications. They will provide you with detailed information about each job, including the pay, schedule, and job requirements.
Schedule interviews: If you are interested in a job, On Point Recruiting will schedule an interview with the employer. They will also provide you with tips on how to prepare for the interview and what questions to ask.
Accept a job offer: If the employer decides to hire you, On Point Recruiting will help you negotiate your salary and benefits. They will also provide you with information on how to get started with your new job.
Benefits of Using On Point Recruiting to Find AZ Driver Jobs in Vaughan
There are several benefits to using On Point Recruiting to find AZ driver jobs in Vaughan:
- Expertise: On Point Recruiting has years of experience in the transportation industry and understands the unique needs of employers and drivers.
- Access to job opportunities: On Point Recruiting has relationships with many reputable employers in the transportation industry, which gives you access to job opportunities that may not be advertised elsewhere.
- Personalized service: On Point Recruiting will work with you one-on-one to understand your skills and preferences and match you with job opportunities that fit your needs.
- Support throughout the hiring process: On Point Recruiting will provide you with support and guidance throughout the hiring process, from preparing for interviews to negotiating job offers.
Conclusion
If you are looking for
AZ driver jobs in Vaughan,
On Point Recruiting can help you find the right job for your skills and experience. By submitting your application and working with a recruiter, you can access job opportunities that may not be available elsewhere. On Point Recruiting will also provide you with support and guidance throughout the hiring process, ensuring that you are well-prepared for interviews and negotiations.
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2023.04.01 11:13 losergarbage1 I'm tired of being miserable all the time, and everyone is tired of listening to me complain.
I've had a pretty rough life so far. My dad was my only real friend, and he died of cancer 2 years ago. He wanted in home hospice, so I moved in with him and took care of him. He died 6 months after been diagnosed with lung cancer. It's awful watching something wither away and die. I was right next to him when he died. Listening to someone's last breaths, and having to check their pulse, and then calling hospice to tell them he's dead is something no one should ever have to do. It's so brutal to watch someone die at the age of 63 from such an awful disease, while there are people who are still alive who are horrible and cruel.
I currently live with my mom, her husband, and my brother. My mom didn't help me take care of my dad (they're divorced), but she has the audacity to tell me 'it's been 2 years, you just need to get over it.' I was having a hard time taking a shower, because I was basically laying in bed for days, because my depression was horrible. I finally got up and got the motivation to at least make something to eat, and the first thing my mom says is 'Jesus, you really need to shower, you stink'. I tried the other day to bring up the fact that I've been sober from alcohol for 14 months. The first thing my mom said when I brought it up is 'yeah, but you stay up all night on the internet like some crazy person'.
I've always been an outcast. I'm overweight and balding. I'm painfully shy. I've always been an easy target for bullies. I got bullied in school, and I got bullied at home. Jesus, even people that haven't met me bully me online when I try to play multi-player video games. I don't fit in anywhere. I'm mad all the time, and I feel like I hate everyone as much as I hate myself.
I have really awful social anxiety. It's painful for me to even make eye contact or have to speak to someone in real life. I can't hold down jobs. I got hired by McDonalds at the age of 36, and I don't think I'm ready to work yet. I think I'm just not going to show up for my first shift.
I'm so tired of feeling miserable. I've been diagnosed with depression and GAD and c-PTSD. Meds don't help. Therapy doesn't help. I guess the problem is me. Maybe my brain is just too broken. Maybe I'm just too weak. Maybe I'm not meant to fit in. It's funny to me that everyone says I have potential, and I could keep trying. Where are those people when I need someone to talk to? Where are those people when I vent? Nowhere. It's easy to tell people they can just turn their life around and make it seem easy, when you don't know what it feels like to be so fucking miserable that even taking a shower and getting yourself clean is mentally exhausting.
I've just had enough. I feel bad if I do anything that my brother will be upset if I did. That's really the only thing holding me back. But, at the same time, is it fair to be to exist, and have suck a wretched miserable life just to prevent others from being sad? Anyway, that's my sad pathetic story. Thanks for listening.
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2023.04.01 11:12 ShadowDragon8685 [Ace is the Only Sane Pirate 17]Breaking Out like a Rolling Stone.
"About time!" Lu t'Cca thundered at her. "Split find hiding spot!
Najia backpedaled, giving the irate Split prisoner plenty of room to get past without coming into arms' length of her. At least he seemed to get that this was a prison break, and he made no move for her or her firearm, darting well clear of her, and out from the cell block.
Axiom's voice cut the sudden quiet that was otherwise punctuated only by her racing heart. "While you two were chatting, I've found a way to temporarily disable security in the hangar. That's where we'll hitch our ride. Head for the second level; the Ministry seems to have installed more switches. They'll require some adjustment, but I know you love a good puzzle." Najia snorted. She did, in fact, love a good puzzle, but breaking out of a prison was not the time to indulge in that. Usually. Unless one looked at the prison as the puzzle. She shook her head, huffing, and drew her pistol again. There was no marked pathway this time, but she made better time; it was reckless, but she jogged, since the place was seemingly totally unguarded. And, if it wasn't, chances were that Lucca would run into the guards first, and she'd hear the struggle ahead. She passed the lift, glancing towards it, and hurrying past in the other direction she hadn't been yet, coming to a door. Slowing, she closed enough with it that it opened automatically.
Najia let out a huff; Lu t'Cca was on the other side, but so was Axiom. She stepped forward, and looked from Axiom, who nodded to her, to Lucca, who snarled. "Creature reveal Split hiding spot! Creature nothing better to do?" This is a hiding spot? Najia shook her head; the two of them were literally standing in the middle of an intersection, in front of an airlock with two branches off on either side. She huffed, looking at Lu t'Cca. "Hey, Mellerd said -"
"Split not talk about friend-foes!" Lucca ranted. "Kriss went against family! Betrayal followed petty betrayal! Way of Windfall, yes. Way of some Split, maybe, but not how real warriors do revenge!" He made a guttural sound of anguish, shaking his head vehemently. Kris? He was on a first-name basis with her? The fact that Ace had spoken so frankly of xenosexual encounters popped into her head, the constant talk of betrayal, pettiness, personal matters, and suddenly it was obvious; somehow, this was personal. Personal; and none of her damn business. She held her hand up placatingly, holstering her other pistol, trusting to Axiom's physical presence to keep peace between her and Lucca. "Fine. I'll leave you to it," she said. "Split thought so," Lu t'Cca spat, looking back to Axiom. She looked to Axiom as well. "Switches, Wildcard. Get to it."
Najia nodded, and darted down the left-hand branch of the intersection, fuming all the while. It ran into a dead-end, and she uttered "ah fuck," turning and sprinting in the other direction, slaloming between Maestro and Lucca. At the end, she dead-ended there, and exasperated raised her voice, "the hell?!" Back in the middle, she examined the airlock carefully; she could see that it connected to nothing, which is why she discounted it previously. Carefully she moved into the airlock, her hand on her pistol just in case Lucca tried to kill her by cycling it, but he and Axiom seemed to be in the process of discussing old times.
Exasperated, Najia stepped back out of the airlock. "Axiom, where are these buttons you're talking about? How are we supposed to get out of here?" "Er..." Axiom blinked, tri-ocularly, at her, and looked around. He looked at his datapad. "They should be... Through..." He let out a discontent rumble. "Oh my. That is not obvious on a computer systems diagram schematic." "They're on the other side of the frigging airlock," Najia said. "You're probably already aware that humans can't survive in vacuum, let alone maneuver in it, right?" She snorted, her sarcasm at least getting a sheepish shuffle on his long legs out of Axiom. "Can we get out the way we came back in? Even if it means abandoning the Raven?"
"No," Axiom said gravely. "The tampering I did to activate the cell block doors will be caught by someone sooner or later - probably later than sooner, but sooner if we try to leave the cell block." "Split has been implanted with a tracking device," Lucca growled. "It will raise quite the ruckus when Split leave the cell block!" "If we're leaving by... Unconventional mechanisms, that will be no trouble," Axiom noted. "But if we enter the lift, it will lock down and security will be summoned immediately."
"Outstanding," Najia huffed. "Let me double-check something, see if I can think of something." She turned and left the way she had come from. She bypassed the lift; she had no intention of simply bailing on them. But now, she had two options. Neither was good, but one was significantly less good, so she hoped the other option worked. She opened a channel to Boso Ta. "Boso Ta, I hope to hell you've been listening in." "I have, Assistant!" Boso Ta's voice came through loud and clear. "You are in quite the conundrum. I hope you see a manner in which I may be able to extricate you, for I do not." "You and the Professor have been upgrading teleporters with the ability to upgrade themselves. To do so, you've been transporting equipment, right?" "Hai!" Professor Nakagawa's voice cut in. Clearly he was on the line. "This capability is within our grasp. What is your proposal, Takio-San?" "Can you teleport my EV suit to me?"
There was silence for a long few moments which felt like an eternity. "Potentially," Boso Ta broke the silence. "Have it placed in one of our lifts." "I'll get right on that," Marta cut in on the line. Najia smiled to hear her voice. "Any other requirements?" "If this will work, we will need very precise measurements," Professor Nakagawa said. "The teleporter is more your project than mine, Boso Ta. My thought is that it will require at least three triangulating vessels, and a beacon, and a substantial amount of open space." "Will an empty cell block do for that," Najia asked, hustling down the corridor. "It should yes... Yes! That will work." Rei Stringer cut in on the call, and Najia blinked as she saw Rei's comm-code. "I can arrange the fly-by," she said. It had been awhile since Najia had heard from the friend she had left in charge of the Eighteen Billion Terran-tech construction supplies factory, and generally, in charge of Eighteen Billion affairs. "There's a patrol of Katana in the area already, it won't look suspicious if they do a swing-by of Wormwood Scrubs."
Najia set her datapad down on the floor in the middle of the cell block. "I put my datapad down on the floor. Is that beacon enough," she asked. "Hai, Takio-San," the aged professor's voice informed her. "But I would endeavor to be in another room when the teleport takes place. This is... Highly experimental." "Vacating the room," Najia said, sprinting out into the hallway and down it. "Tell me when it's gonna happen."
"In... About twenty seconds," Boso Ta informed her. "You might want to cover your ears, assistant." Najia didn't even bother to complain about being called 'Assistant' again, she simply crouched and closed her eyes, covering her ears and tried to become one with the railing. She counted to thirty, then opened her eyes. "Did anything happen?" "Your EV suit and EMU aren't in the lift anymore," Marta said to her. "Better go check."
Najia did, and she laughed heartily. Her hardshell carapace EV suit and EMU were sitting on the floor of the cell block. "A perfect teleport! I didn't even hear anything." "Fantastic," Boso Ta said. "You had best hurry, Assistant."
One fast donning later, Najia opened the door to where Axiom and Lucca were still standing around, chatting like old gossips. They both started when they saw her, and she held her hand up. "Easy, guys, it's me." She was hauling her EMU with her. "Split wonders where creature was hiding that," Lu t'Cca said, pointing at her. "Ancient secrets," Najia flippantly answered, as she hefted her EMU into the airlock, and sat in it, strapping in. "Right, let's do this." Reaching up, Najia slapped the airlock cycle button. The door behind her hissed shut; air was evacuated. Her suit indicated a total drop of external pressure, and the airlock's A-grav let go, letting her float free, and so she pushed off the floor.
"Excellent!" Axiom crowed at her, over the comm. "Level 2 is right through there. That exhaust fan may impede your movements, but it won't make our mission impossible. See those alcoves? There's where I'd hide if I were you, whenever the fan is blowing at full speed."
Exhaust fan? I'm in vacuum! Najia carefully maneuvered out. She was in vacuum and microgravity; but she was also inside a large, cylindrical space. Below her was something like a massive fuse-box with a big holographic turret outline, and she jetted down to examine it, but could see no obvious way to tamper with it without most likely setting off major alarms, so she looked back up - just as a synthesized alert klaxxon sounded.
I hate this place, Naija thought, as she saw a fan at the top of the cylinder spin up. At a guess she thought, perhaps it was something like an exhaust, which struck as horrifically wasteful in space, but she could only grit her teeth, watching it spin. At the bottom of the cylindrical space, she only felt the slightest of buffeting; it might have been substantially stronger closer to the top. I am very confused, very frustrated, and I just want to get the hell out of here, she thought. She was seriously considering revisiting her first plan, which had been to simply teleport herself, Axiom and Lucca to Ace's ship.
But now, though, she was pissed, and she wanted to poke something spiteful in Mellerd's eye herself. So she jetted to the top of the cylinder, looking around. As she did, Axiom popped up in her comms. "These airlocks are shut, so you'll need to find a way to bypass their locks." She responded with only a quick "roger," looking around. One airlock, contrary to Axiom's words, was hanging open, but the lights next to it were red. She tried it anyway; but for once, Axiom was spot-on. The airlock door might have been open, but its functions were locked out, the panel totally nonresponsive. She returned below, and looked around; there was an open airlock opposite Axiom and Lucca, so she tried it, and it worked for her automatically.
"Well, let's see what's down this way," Najia muttered to herself, slipping out of her EMU and leaving it in the lock. She unholstered the pistol that was now clamped to her hardshell-clad thigh, and started to look around again.
To her surprise, she found only another cell block - it was a dead end! She was about to hiss in frustration, when she heard someone call to her. "You there! You! Hey! You are not supposed to be here!" Najia turned to face the Teladi voice, her pistol half-raised, when she saw that the figure in question was imprisoned. She lowered her aim to the floor, and appraoched the bars. Standing within was a Teladi, who looked rather forelorn. Najia's shoulders slumped. Well, this is awkward, she thought. When the Teladi seemed to realize she wasn't a guard, she started to ask, "Oh please, please, please! You cannot leave me here! I am friends with Urgu... Ugusa... I can help you make profitsss! I promise."
Najia sighed at the pathetic display, but she understood the Teladi's desire for freedom; though, on the balance, she also had no idea what this Teladi had done to become imprisoned. Knowing Kriss Mellerd, it was a total crap-shoot; she might be a real scum-bag, or she might be being shaken down. Axiom cut in on her. "I sympathize with the little lizard, really I do, but we cannot compromise this mission in the name of charity."
Najia huffed out a sigh, and looked around. Frustratedly, she slapped the door panel on the imprisoned Teladi's cell, and to her surprise - and the prisoner's surprise - it opened. The prisoner looked around, confusedly, and Najia was glad that her mirrored helmet hid her gaze. "That's the best I can do," she said, resignedly. "You'll have to effect your own escape from here, if you can. Good luck." Turning, she huffed back into the airlock, slapping the button to cycle it as the Teladi prisoner looked around in tentative confusion, taking a few steps out of her cell.
Najia pulled her EMU's straps back on. "Well, that was a fucking bust," she snarled. "I'm about to start lasering shit," she muttered, floating back into the massive vacuum cylinder, and back up towards the locked airlocks. She found a third floor of airlocks, but they only offered some shelter from the fans starting up. After waiting that, frustratedly she flew back out again, and started looking around. "Axiom, there aren't any switches here!" "My diagrams say there are switches, Wildcard. Look more carefully - and swiftly."
Najia let out a guttural growl of frustration, and switched to her cutting laser. Giving in to a pique of frustration, she hit her Mk.2 thrusters, blowing past level 1 to the sub-level, coming up level with the big fuse-box. "Right, let's see what this does," she said with a snarl, and targeted her suit's cutting laser on the big set of what looked like fuses.
She blazed a neat line down the middle of them, and, gratifyingly, the 'Turrets' hologram switched to a big red repair icon... She looked around for a moment. Nothing happened. Najia smirked. "On the one hand, this place is frustrating, confusing, and I kind of want to blow it up out of spite by now. But on the other hand, the gross criminal negligence on display is really working in my favor. Fuck it. Lasers for everything," she said, snarling and going back up the shaft. There were a bunch of unmarked panels, and, giving in to the frustration she felt earlier - which she had barely restrained herself from allowing herself to hold Lu t'Cca at gunpoint - she started lasering the panels like a schoolgirl hooligan on a vandalism spree.
"Your new laser is low-powered, but if you keep it aimed at the lock, it will break eventually," Axiom said. Najia blinked. New laser? This is my laser and I've had it for a while, and... Oh, piss on this! She laughed, however, as she saw that one of the panels had indeed fractured.
One deeply-cathatic vandalism spree later, every panel had been opened, and had revealed that inside the two panels nearest the top-level airlocks were two further, smaller panels, with similar mechanisms. With the fan starting up again, Najia took shelter in one of the alcoves at the top, just under an airlock, and, deciding to use her time productively, she lasered the opposite airlock's control panel. After holding her laser on the box for awhile, it was a glowing ruin, and Axiom commed her. "Partial access to level two established," he informed her.
Najia nodded. She didn't even bother to sarcastically snark at him, though the phrase no shit, Sherlock ran through her mind. Rather, she charitably assumed he was reporting to her something he was learning electronically, and turned around. This is gonna be bright, she thought, as she trained her laser at close range on the near access box, and closed her eyes. She held in the firing stud, and held it - counting in her head to seven, when Axiom's comm made her let up off the laser. "And just like that, we have free reign over level two! They can't stop you now!"
Najia grinned, and opened her eyes to behold a molten, glowing hole drilled into the electronics she had blasted. "Right. Let's get this show on the highway."
On the level above her, in the half just above, she slipped in, and found herself facing a door to another cell block, just through the airlock. She went in and looked; no prisoners. Walking out, she huffed, and decided to walk the half-circuit around the big cylinder again. To her surprise, she found a console, just attached haphazardly to a railing. Really? Najia examined it, and snorted; it looked shoddy, ad-hoc. She tapped the console's screen, and it simply changed color. Axiom piped up. "Magnificent! That'll give you access to half of the switches! There must be another console nearby that will let you remove the second cover."
"Got it. Moving on," Najia said. Back to the airlock she went, after checking the other half of the crescent hallway she was in; without any luck, she just floated across to the other airlock on her EMU. Predictably, she found that, on the opposite railing in the other half of the level, was another console haphazardly attached to a railing, and she rapped it quite firmly with her knuckles. It flashed. "How's that, Axiom?" "Both covers confirmed open," Axiom informed her. "Let's flip some switches. Get back into your spacesuit."
"Never got out of it. Who has time to undress four times? Anyway, switches, yaaay switches," she snarked, as she cycled the airlock again, strapping her EMU back on. "Whoever designed this place is both a madman and criminally negligent."
Once the airlock cycled through again, Najia saw that the two panels she had manipulated had caused five boxes that she had previously taken as unimportant junction boxes to slide their panels open. She groaned to herself when she saw that there were five more lock-like switches within. "Great, time for more vandalism, yay." She lasered the first of the boxes' interiors, the one that was lit, and held it for a long few moments.
"Something's not right," Axiom said, comming her. She had a sinking feeling. "The switches are also setting the state of their neighbors," he declared. Sure enough, she had blasted the leftmost switch, and the second had lit up. Worryingly, the leftmost switch did not look damaged in the slightest. "You'll have to find a combination which turns them all off," Axiom said, as Najia groaned. "I don't think a game of whack-a-mole will get you there," Axiom continued. "Though... Actually, it might!"
Najia groaned, and briefly considered calling for a five-hundred-some member boarding party attack from two capital ships instead. "What tail-hole thought this was a good idea," she bitched. "Who dreamed this up? Why install it like this? Don't anybody answer that, those questions were rhetorical," she snarked, as she set about the process of shooting the junction boxes like they were a juvenile 'turn them all off' game.
About eighty seconds and the false start of thinking she could shoot an inactive switch to switch it on and switch its neighbors states (it transpired that she could only make an active switch toggle neighbors' states), all five boxes were dark, and Najia snarled, bristling with outrage that this was evidently considered part of a high security system and not a child's game.
"You got it, Wildcard!" Axiom commed her. "Access to Level 3 established. And it turned off the darned fan! Off to the hangar, then." Up one level, Najia cycled herself into the airlock, and groaned. She was getting mightily tired of this, and she rolled her shoulders. "I am going to need a massage and to soak for an hour in the shower," she griped to no-one in particular. She hefted her EMU half-over her left shoulder, unholstering her pistol, just in case. The EMU was very heavy, but her EV suit had a fairly substantial low-profile power assist mechanism. Not enough to turn her into a super-soldier by any means, but enough to let her heft a 150kg load like a bulky and cumbersome backpack. She was tempted to leave it behind... But it was a good thing she didn't. The corridor she found was only a straight shot to - and she groaned - another airlock. As she approached it, Axiom unhelpfully congratulated her. "Excellent," he said. "Yo're approaching the internal hangar now. Our getaway ship is right over there." Cycling through, she passed into the deep well of an internal ship hangar - and groaned.
Najia was looking at a Magpie. That was the big, innovative, unique ship?
"If we want to make it out of here, you'll have to destroy the clamps on the hangar doors," Axiom informed her. Najia groaned, sighed, and rolled her shoulders. "Right. I can do that. All this for a..." She seethed, and looked back at the ship.
No, it wasn't a Magpie, but it sure as hell looked like one. It was clearly a derivative design, but it had not the Magpie's massive cargo pods; rather, it had smaller pods, and a lot more gubbins - antennae, dishes, and the like. Fan-dabbie-dozie she thought balefully to herself as she set about finding and destroying the lockdown clamps. As she did so, she also saw a couple more panels that had a turret hologram over them, and, thinking, why the hell not, fried them, too. Moments later, the lockdown clamps fell, too, and she saw a red light glare through one of the hangar windows.
Axiom piped up, "Holy triangle, that's the station alarm! Lucca and I are going to make a run for the ship!" She blinked, looking up - two EVA-suited figures, with full EMUs, cycled through the airlock she had come through.
What, she thought. Where... I... What... Where...? In a moment of dumbfounded confusion, she stared openly, unmoving, before both of them dipped between the ship's large thrusters, and headed for its belly, while Axiom said, "approaching the dock. Be with you in a moment!" Fearing being left behind, Najia abandoned the question of where they had gotten EV suits, let alone EMUs, in favor of making haste to join them.
As Najia negotiated into the airlock, Axiom and Lucca reported that they had boarded, and Axiom was working on powering up the ship's systems, and Axiom was transferring the ship's ownership - and hence, control - to her. They were trying to talk over one another, making it confusing, but, as she got into the ship and shed her MMU, running for the seat, Axiom noted, "This prototype ship does not appear to have an emergency eject system. I assume it was supposed to be added later." "Great," she snarled. "This is going tits-up and I'm in a little ship with no ejection system." "Split been moving into position," Maestro informed her, in a bit of good news. "Alarm must have mobilized more Ministry forces than Split anticipated."
"Thrice blasted!" Axiom roared from the back. "Mellerd deployed a capital ship to head off the Arcadian Endeavour!" Najia groaned, checking her map. A Pheonix-class vessel named Rolling Rock was engaging the Arcadian Endeavor.
As Najia got the Raven's struts up and pushed it forward, she got a comm from the Rolling Rock itself. She snarled as she saw Kriss Mellerd in her comm pane. "Thank you for leading the old man, and his crew of clowns, right to my doorstep. Crossing them off the Ministry's list will do wonders for my career advancement."
Najia gawped at her, in shock at the sheer gall on display, as Mellerd laughed. "You just stumbled into this whole affair, so I will offer you a one-time chance to get out of this. All you have to do is dock at my ship and hand over the pirates youy are currently harboring. You won't be able to keep the ship, but -"
Najia cut her off, snarling in anger. "You just love the sound of your own voice, bitch. Even if I was inclined to take an 'out,' though, nobody can trust you. For anything." Najia switched the comms to her ships, as she powered the Raven up to full. It seemed to be armed with two cannons; she test-fired them by holding in the trigger. They didn't fire immediately, but when she let go, they let fly. "Woah. These must be those Teladi charger things," she muttered. "Whatever. Ladies? This bitch cannot be trusted to keep her word. End her rightly!"
The Rolling Rock was already exchanging fire with Arcadian Endeavor, while Ace nipped at her heels, firing off shots from that launcher and the frontal cannon. Shiv and Kunai - the name chosen for the Paramerion - lifted from the Jackdaw and Arcadian Endeavour respectively, while Jackdaw and the Snapping Tortoise broke from formation with it to engage.
"L beam turrets... Problematic," Najia muttered to herself. "Let me see what I can do about that," she added, as she set the Raven prototype in motion. She could only hope, at least, that Kriss was at least rethinking her decision, now that the odds had tilted decidedly against her.
She dove into action against Rolling Rock, testing out the Muon Chargers, as the ships with her split and attacked. The destroyer was big, and problematic, but it seemed rather... Awkward to control, in fact. Ponderous, its turrets, even the lasers, seemed slow to respond. She nipped around it, firing a few times, as her four ships slipped past it. A plasma bolt struck her shields, and she yelped, diving to evade. "That's it," she heard Rei - not over the open comms, but in her earbud. "I am not letting you get your ass killed like this. I'm dispatching help," she said, and Najia winced.
Great. So this is how the war with the Ministry starts? And yet, oddly... There was no sign of Ministry reinforcements. Najia fled from the immediate vicinity to recharge her shields, coming in close to the Arcadian Endeavour, and watched as the Eighteen Billion Katana squads roared in. She winced as she saw that Okayama and her defense fleet had also been dispatched - a Destroyer squadron was going to bear down on Rolling Rock... Eventually. And yet, the Ministry was doing nothing.
It hit her suddenly; Kriss was rogue. Was doing this on her own. She snarled and grinned. The Ministry might be mad, when this shook out, but they'd have a hard time proving her involvement. Especially if she could play it as her ships responding to a distress call because a rogue vessel with an unaffiliated transponder had attacked a ship. It was flimsy... But it was enough. "Bear down on her, ladies. Tear that thing apart." Najia crowed, as she pulled the Raven in to touch down on the Arcadian Endeavour's landing pad. She looked back. "Axiom, they're gonna need you in the engine room. Lucca, you're not gonna wanna be on this ship!" The back ramp was dropping as she settled down; neither waited for her to have landed fully, they dropped from the ship and sprinted past, to the lift.
"So, you've decided to go down with the sinking ship? One less loose end for me to tie up later!" Mellerd crowed at her, and Najia smirked; of course she knew she couldn't trust Mellerd. "You're worse than a pirate, Kriss. Nobody can trust you," Najia said. "Prepare to kiss your ass goodbye."
Maestro was rattling on in her ear, but Najia could barely hear him over the combat calls. She hoped he was smart enough not to fire upon the T.E. vessels responding - it would be awkward later, and they were joining the fight on his side, after all. He was saying something about escape, and turrets. Najia snorted. "Actually, we're just going to blow this thing up," Najia declared. "We can't leave someone like Kriss Mellerd at our backs."
Things seemed to be doing well at first; the Rolling Rock was handling clumsily, awkwardly, as if she was critically undermanned. That gave Najia an odd hope that she might actually succeed at boarding her; the responding vessels were quickly tearing down her turrets and shields.
Then, everything went dramatically pear-shaped. Najia yelped as lasers tickled the the Raven's shields down and she got them back up again; again and again this happened, each time the hull started to fracture more and more. She made attack runs, damaged a surface element, and then things got worse. Where were those lasers coming from?
"Missile. Incoming missile." She slapped the countermeasures button, only to see the screen flash ammo empty. "Fuck!" A missile slammed into her, followed by a fly-by from a starfighter. She didn't catch it, but she took a pot-shot at it as it went past. Things were going from bad, to worse, when she heard someone howl, "Jackdaw's taking heavy fire! Jackdaw's... Oh fuck!"
Najia felt a moment of total disassociation. Numbly, her hand drifted over the stick, trying to maneuver the clunky ship like a starfighter, whilst fighting through mental fog.
Marta.
"We've got them!" Rei stringer called out, over her line. "I've got the crew of Jackdaw at the depot, but now we're under attack by a Ministry warship!" Najia gasped, shoving her stick forward, hard. Her ship was flying apart around her, and she snarled. "Someone get these motherfuckers!" "We're coming in," she heard - both the first, and last, person she wanted to hear. "Fenrir, engaging!" "Okayama, engaging." "Kagawa, engaging!" "Ark Royal, moving to engage!"
Najia laughed, incredulously. That was four fleets. Four fleets that most definitely were not supposed to be engaging to support the Arcadian Endeavour. One of them the Teladi wasn't even supposed to know about - Alarms blared. The Raven had taken a nasty hit, and a Ministry Kea was lining up on her six. She tried to pull away - she wasn't going to be fast enough - the ship jerked - the world went white.
Najia crashed forward to the deck, yelping, arms up to guard her head. She looked up; a Marine was standing next to her, offering her hand to Najia. "Better get to the skipper, ma'am," the Marina said. "We're Koshirae." Najia laughed, taking the proffered hand and climbing to her feet, hustling down to the bridge's main deck. Selaia Kevlin was standing in the middle like the Maestro, calmingly barking out orders with command presence. She looked up at Najia, briefly, smirking at her. "Does the owner have the conn?"
Najia shook her head, laughing. "Fight the ship, captain. I've got to coordinate this clusterfuck." Selaia laughed at her and nodded, barking out, "bring us up ninety, show her our broadside. Turret gunners, you are cleared to engage."
She hustled down to the fleet coordination console; the crewwoman at it hopping away for her. "This is Takio," she said, hopping on the controls. "Ladies, clear my skies of red. I don't know what the hell has gotten into the Ministry, attacking our stations like this, but if it's hostile out there, we kill it."
Rolling Rock was not having a good day, and it was getting exponentially worse. Her engines had been disabled, and Najia heard Maestro call out over the pirate channel, "Her engines are disabled. Now is the time to get away! But, where is Wildcard?" Najia winced. How was she going to explain that? Did she even want to? "This is Snapping Tortoise," Raleen, the captain of her pirate Baku called out. "We are picking up the crew of Jackdaw and Raven. Let these big bruisers fight, we'll get back to you."
"No!" Kriss Mellerd called out, yelping. "I don't wanna die!" Rolling Rock was coming apart under the growing tide of fire it was enduring, and more ships were still arriving. Najia snarled. Part of her wanted to bid Kriss a bon voyage to the afterlife, but she looked up to Selaia. "If anyone gets out of that ship, I want them. And we don't tell the Ministry."
"Roger that," Selaia said, and barked out orders to the helm to move closer to Rolling Rock. Najia looked back - a Ministry Razorbill was thoroughly engaged, and another had just blown up, attacking the construction depot.
She gritted her teeth, snorting hard. There was going to be hell to pay for this later. Righteous indigation - no, fury - was going to be the order of the day. Her ships had responded to a distress call from a Windfall trader, by an unidentified vessel. It was attacking relentlessly, wasn't on-record as being anything official. Then Ministry vessels, apparently heeding the aggressor's pleas, had jumped in, attacking Takio Enterprises assets, and the inevitable happen.
That was the tack she was going to have to take, and she clenched her fist. Outside, Rolling Rock came apart in a dazzling blossom of red that polarized the bridge windows for a long several moments. When they cleared, the ship was a debris field. Part of her hoped that Mellerd was dead; part of her hoped she wasn't. There was going to be a butcher's bill for today, and she tried - probably vainly - to make peace with that.
"Get us close enough to the Ministry Wharf to make contact," Najia said, looking to Selaia. "I've some barking to do." Selaia smirked at her. "After this? They should know damn well your bark isn't nearly as bad as your bite. They should be happy to get barked at. You should put on a respectable jacket at least." Najia let out a huff of exasperation, hurrying to do just that.
Najia needed to work to summon the righteous indignation she required for the bluff, but she reminded herself of the fate of Ace's mother to do so; the Ministry were assholes, even if they were also the lawful authority; and they had attacked her. She had clear and convincing evidence that Mellerd was up to no damn good. Not that she waas going to reveal it to anyone.
Hence, she found herself with eyes coldly blazing over the comms to the Ministry Police Kea craft which had departed from the wharf to intercept Koshirae. "Enough is enough," she snarled over the holo, standing in the conference room. "My ships responded to an attack upon a free trader from a destroyer that was not transmitting appropriate Ministry codes - not that the Ministry should be allowed to attack random traders, either."
"Your ships fired upon Ministry vessels," the captain of the Kea shot back, clearly outraged - but also, like the pilot who had followed her through the rift - terrified at being massively outnumbered and outgunned.
"Let me be clear, on the record, so there is no ambiguity," Najia said, leaning forward, placing her fist on the table. The effect was to lean closer to the hologram - and on the little attack ship's screen, her face would loom larger. "My ships responded to a distress call from a ship being attacked by an unknown vessel not transmitting appropriate ID. The Ministry, for whatever reasons, chose to respond to the event by siding with the aggressor and attacking my ships. Takio Enterprises warships responded by destroying the Ministry vessels." Her heart was thumping in her chest, but she narrowed her eyes. "If this is the gratitude of the Ministry of Finance, for all that Takio Enterprises has done here in Eighteen Billion, in Grand Exchange and at large, for the Ministry and the company, up to and including constructing facilities and securing neutral diplomats to mediate the dispute between the Company and the Ministry... Well, you might want to check with your superiors before you write a check they have to make good on. To be absolutely clear, this is a threat; you are the highest-ranking Ministry combat officer in Eighteen Billion. It is your decision whether this conflict continues or ceases, here and now. Ah - ah! Shut your fucking muzzle and listen to me carefully," she snapped, as the pilot opened her muzzle to retort.
"If you say anything but words to the effect of 'this was a horrible misunderstanding and we should deescalate the situation' - if you, personally, choose to escalate the situation, the first step I will take will be ordering all of my shipyards to stop producing vessels for the Ministry. The second step will be that I shall cripple the Ministry's ability to replace vessels by destroying the Ministry Shipyard and Wharf here in Eighteen Billion. I shall then proceed onward to prosecute this destructive and pointless war - a war chosen by you, pilot, here and now - by destroying each and every Ministry of Trade station I can find, until someone with some competent authority asks me to please stop doing that. You can see the weight of tonnage I have here, you know the Ministry does not have the tonnage to stop me. The choice is in your claws, pilot; war, or peace. War, or peace. Escalate, or deescalate. Your call."
The Kea pilot visibly shrank backwards in her command chair, obviously struggling to attempt to retain composure and command respect in the face of an overt and direct threat to bring fire and flame directly to the Ministry of Finance. Finally she steeled herself, straightening up in her chair. "This has obviously been a dreadful misunderstanding, miss Takio. The Ministry is undoubtedly going to demand reparations for our lost warships, but such matters are the purview of the financiers, not myself. If you will cease giving offense, we too shall cease attacks upon your vessels."
"Thank you," Najia said, leaning back. She fought not to visibly slump and sigh in relief, or to show how badly her heart was racing. "As for the reparations, they can take that up with the diplomat I have on payroll. Out." She cut the channel, and collapsed back into the chair behind her.
A moment later, the comm lit up again, and she flicked it on. It was a huge conference call, with the commanders of her fleets, the captain of Koshirae, Marta on the Snapping Tortoise with a small bandage on her forehead; Rei Stringer on the 18B construction depot, Tsukiko Peterson back at the headquarters, Professors Nakagawa and Okoye - whom Najia realized with a pang of guilt she hadn't yet formally re-introduced herself to -, Boso Ta,, and Ace. Najia let out a heavy sigh of relief. "Please for the love of god tell me we didn't lose anybody," she said, first off.
"Nobody from Jackdaw, Marta confirmed. "I took a headcount. We got lucky. "That seems to be a recurring theme," added Captain - probably should be Commodore - Xiaowen Kapoor - one of Najia's older friends, and currently the commander of T.E.S. Fenrir. "It helps that we responded with overwhelming firepower. My fleet is reporting no fatalties; thirteen casualties, mostly caused by haste in the heat of battle."
That proved to be the recurring theme; all of her responders reported sustaining injuries, mostly 'workplace accidents' incurred whilst in the heat of battle, but though some were serious, none were life-threatening.
"Najia Takio," Professor Yoriko Okoye - an aged-but-not-venerable, steel-haired professor-turned diplomat said, with the same tone of voice that she had used when reproaching Najia in class. "You are now, as ever you were, charmed, lucky, and reckless. You choose to act with passion first and foremost. This is a fine mess that I'm going to have to clean up, you understand. Can I expect this sort of thing to deal with in the future?"
Najia took in a breath, glancing around at her fellows. Barring a few, they were all young - Tsukiko was the third-oldest and Najia knew she was closer to thirty-five than forty - barely. Most of them looked grave, but not mutinious. She sighed, and smiled, wryly. "While I don't plan to go to war with the Ministry, there may be future... Rough spots to smooth over, yes. If you'd like to resign and go home -" "Not yet," the aged professor said, sharply. "But for dealing with this, I am going to require a pay rise!"
A chorus of chuckles surrounded her, and Najia sighed, face-palming and smiling. "That's fair, professor. We're going to have a fine time untangling this. Ace, how are the Curs?"
Ace looked into her eyes, then looked away for a moment, then back to her. "Secure in Windfall, awaiting your hopefully-safe return." She trilled, and Najia nodded. "Next stop, then."
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2023.04.01 11:00 TheRoar02 Help with 1080 ti sli
| Posted in the past about these cards and first time I ran them with a 760w psu I got score of about 12000 in 3d mark time spy. The temps also seemed fine but I wasn’t monitoring them. When I tried launching game titles the power would spike and pc shut off due to the psu being too weak. I’ve just upgraded to a new 1000w Evga p3 psu and the pc is struggling with both cards. Temps on the top (main) card are extremely high and time spy score is abysmal. Tried ddu and clean install drivers from safe mode but still having problems. Sli is enabled in nvidia control panel, set to automatically decide what card to use. Any tips or solutions appreciated. Case is next no tie 450 full tower with 3 intake fans and 3 exhaust. Cards are in first and third pcie slot and using two 8 pin cables per gpu. Cpu is i7-6700k @ 4ghz submitted by TheRoar02 to pcmasterrace [link] [comments] |